Sailing in saline

11:00p.m. Sometimes I dream things that leave an impression when I wake up. It's my subconscious either preparing me for something that I need to know or do, or it's something that I have pushed so far out of my mind but that has to be dealt with. Dreams teach me lessons that I may be unwilling to learn on my own.

Shattered. The glass that I've been looking through out to those around me is cracking. In looking in toward me everyone has been seeing my pain and the image is distorted. As I crack the glass it seems that I'm turning that image back at the onlookers because their pain is coming into focus again. It's not that I don't care. I care deeply. I also know that I am in a delicate situation where I could easily lose focus if I don't concentrate on me right now. I don't think I've ever cared so much about getting to the root of my issues as I do now. As I told Matt online earlier today.... we all have issues, some of us have a magazine stand full and some just a basket.

If I have sex right away it's always created this false foundation. At the very least one that sets an expectation that is not grounded. I'm old enough to know what I want and not to play around. I just need to be clear. I hope I am.