Emerge

2:39a.m. I wonder if tomorrow and the next day and the next will surprise me like today. I went searching on the internet for camp sites. Crazy. It started by looking up ideas for different types of dates and one of them was stargazing. You can't stargaze from the cities because of all the lights so I thought of the mountains and state parks. I remembered being out at the river on grandpa's property and the journal entry I wrote staring at the sky. That was over 10 years ago. Astonishing. More lost time. Haha.... I'm noticing that a lot lately. Lost time.

I thought earlier that I hate that I was not raised with direction or purpose. I think about that and feel lucky that I was not forced into a direction or purpose....but then think again that I wouldn't know any better anyway. If from day one you are Mormon and raised around Mormons and the foundation of your life is the church and your family then you don't know any different and don't expect any different. It's similar to my thoughts on sex wherein people who have not had multiple partners accept what it is they know and are not comparing to other experiences which is almost unavoidable once variety comes into play. I guess this whole paragraphs boils down to living in a box and venturing outside of it. Hatching.

Why can I never turn my head off? As soon as I typed that images of water flashed in my head. The sea...pools....baths. Being submerged in water. Hmm... now I feel all psycho because I'm relating these flashes to some dialogue in the movie "The Cell."

Enough tonight.