Finger Paints

1:45a.m. Headphones covering ears. Eva Cassidy takes on John Lennon's "Imagine" and I wonder how much folk music I could handle before my eyes would supply the world with water.

Chuck called to talk about Saturday Night with Ken. Chuck has a big mouth, but we love him for it. Ken has the unlucky distinction of being in the wrong place at the wrong time when it comes to me. I will always have a sense of some friendship duty with Chuck not to go there and that's probably no comfort to him. He's attractive and smart and an ideal candidate for dating. (Age aside) This bed was made a long time ago.

I walked into work with uncertainty and saw a shift bid waiting at my desk. I reviewed it with trepidation. Having my "once through" seemed strange, as this is the first bid at Verizon Wireless that I didn't consult Randy on before completing. The choices aren't that grand. I can opt for day shifts where I will take Business Account calls or go back to graveyard where I felt stale and never quite part of the real world. Maybe I can make better use of my night time? The problem now is that I foresee a lot of people moving for the night shifts. Next week it will all unfold. If my schedule were nicer I'd be able to have dinner some time with Javier on a Saturday. Haha...as it is now, I fall asleep about the time he wakes up.

I'm going to stop taking the 5-htp. I figure that it could be adding to my sleepiness; the sluggish rise in the morning. Today was the first morning that I didn't feel chained to my bed. I could attribute it to many things... but I really think it's just the passage of time. I've weathered another chemical spill and without any major casualties. I still don't enjoy wading through this mess. FLASH... don't know if I wrote about it previously but I had a bloody nose last week. The first one I've had in as long as I can remember. It was odd because I didn't hit my nose or anything. They used to happen all of the time when I was a child--especially in the Summer.

My brother, Philip, will graduate from college this weekend. A part of me really wishes that I could be there; that part of me that sees education as something worthy of praise and accomplishment. A part of me hopes that he can understand me not being there. A part of me feels that it would make no difference to him one way or the other as I'm as much a stranger to him as I am a brother.