Will the gray clouds blow away?

2:57am The power one grants another over them is a gift of trust in people who seek healthy connections. It can be a fool's giveaway for co-dependents. Hmm...but I'm still of the opinion that even healthy relationships are co-dependent to some degree or else why would we couple ourselves at all? People need people. The degree to which we need others may vary, but I do believe the need itself to be a constant.

This thought entered my mind earlier at Charlie's birthday party in Long Beach. I was on the phone with Eddie when Ryan called me. I struggle to listen to Eddie's sense of loss with Chuck. I can hear in his voice the self-esteem issues that he speaks but does not hear himself. As he talked about wanting Chuck in his life, Ryan called me and a smile formed inside my brain and beamed out to my mouth. I realized that the only difference between Eddie and me at that moment was that I was older and understood myself, but the initial impulse was still the same: this person makes me feel good and I want to be around them.


MEMORY LANE:
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Garage shows. Popcorn. Electrical wire from the rafters with a blanket used as the curtain for a stage. I had not thought of this memory in a long time. I remember cleaning out the garage to make space to put on a show. This memory was surfaced when Tina from work asked something to the effect of if I had always been dramatic. From these garage shows, to the wedding with grass rings in the backyard to the re-enactment of Batman episodes on the bunk beds with the God Parents' daughters. I just took a sip of some chocolate milk and now I'm thinking of my first days in G.A.T.E. and Miss Annie's class. Painting with oils, a Braille machine--I was afraid of the blind girl there.