But what do I know?

4:15pm Chuck is on his way to meet me here at The Library. I drove PCH to get here. Took about an hour. Viewing the waves while driving reminded me of all the fun I'd had there in the water.

I had my first conversation with Ryan last night that wasn't set in a playful affectionate arena and wasn't casual like the weather. We shared our pasts and that's a little bit of a door opening into that vulnerable area. I'm treading lightly and reminding myself that time is not going to move any faster.

I apologized to Randy for my assumptions. I don't think it matters much anymore. There is some animosity he holds for me that will not subside and I care not to indulge it.

I'm liking the enthusiasm and organization that the Public Speaking instructor conducts his class with. Much of what he is teaching I'm finding review, but he holds my interest while I'm there. Taking notes made me remember what it's like to enjoy school. I thought of looking for a second session class that starts at 2pm so that I could get another class in but I'll wait until the two sessions overlap to make that decision.

I'm still feeling a sadness inside that I cannot isolate. I remarked to Lena online this morning that I haven't cried since starting Prozac. I've really felt like wanting to the past day or so but haven't been able to.

All these books on the shelf. Authors upon authors. Is this me? The great American novel. It escapes me, but it's there inside. Hiding. Peeking out.

Smiling is contagious "they" say.

Chuck is here now. (4:39pm)