Lousy Timing

4:27am I find myself turned into a smiley & happy little kid when the stage of romance is set. I'm pulled into the fantasy of it all. More than that, I'm titillated by the prospect of courting something that could blossom into a future. I feel my heart race with exhilaration. Behind all the childlike innocence of this, I know that I'm a grown man and what races on one level, surges quite hot on another. There is an intelligent seduction in watching someone's intents from eye to eye. There is a primal passion that we tame until the moment is right to restrain no more. I felt all of this Tuesday night with Ryan.

I feel slightly better since my last entry. I guess a shot in the ass and a day of reflection can do that. Also, knowing that my body has been purged of any lurking bacteria is mind-easing. I tried retracing my steps to figure what I could've done differently, but the reality is that nothing would have been done differently. The only choice to be made in retrospect was in not spending time with any one person; choosing more wisely perhaps.