Not on an empty stomach

2:15am
"His wicked sense of humor suggests exciting sex."
-Venus As A Boy by Bjork

That song begins as "Deep Inside of You" by Third Eye Blind finishes. I re-read my IM conversation with Javier to get a feel of the conversation without the initial emotion of the moment. It's true that I lose a lot to those moments. Details. I hone in on the emotion... but that's hard to do with words on a screen. Ironic that I should have such an online "life" but only have the gift of sensing when in the presence of another. One always learns though... and I've learned over the years to "read into" some words as need be and appropriate. I really said some things that I see as being honest and open, but from the responses I think that this was missed. But I also see that I never acknowledged what he was typing in whole. I stayed fast to what I wanted to express even though I could see the words, I could not hear the tone. I so wanted to.... aye. This communicating stuff takes time.

9:30am
All the things I have no cares of consume the air we breathe and I know that I will always be aggravated so long as I try to care for that which I do not.

I'm waiting for my prescription and I can hear a three year old girl named, Cheyenne, screaming down the hall as she is being held down to have her blood drawn. When I was standing by her father earlier, he remarked to the receptionist, "Can I trade places with someone else right now?" At the time I thought it was because of his own fears, but now I really know.

Up, showered, two loads of laundry and a doctor's appointment out of the way all before 10am. I feel like a "Go Army" commercial. "We do more before 6am than most people do all day." Being up early makes me think of Javier. Dumb brain. It's like it knows a lot more than it will tell me. (De-programming it is such a long process. First to understand the code, then to understand how to re-write it without altering the construction.)