I feel Pretty... and witty... and...

I forced myself to sleep even after I woke up the first time. I woke up to an empty house at 5pm. It was dark outside.

I managed not to talk to anyone on the phone. That might sound bad and isolationistic, but I just really wanted some "me time." Chuck, Douglas, Nathan and Dave called. I returned a call to Chuck to get his voice mail. I watched TV and filled out the California SDI paperwork. I thought I was done with paperwork, but I'm realizing that I still have that last leg of the run to make.

I removed AOL from my computer. I'm in the process of transferring files to www.xdrive.com so that I can easily access them wherever I happen to be.

"Elephant" by Gus Van Sant is a movie I think I'd like to see.

My tattoo is really starting to itch. Chuck says that it will scab over then peel off and fade a bit. If the skin is an organ, the trauma to it must shift the energies of the body for some time while it heals.

I'm treating my job as if it was how I looked at school when I excelled at it. My stats are important to me, being that *perfect* star student. Here, like school, I think I'm finding myself in that position by circumstance rather than by impetus. I won't fret...it's only until the end of the year.

I feel... a sense of worry because I haven't talked to Mark all week. Not sure what that feeling is about exactly. Probably insecurity. I need to call Nathan back, something I'll probably do on my walk home this morning. I worry about him too, but I must do so with a caution to my own self. I still have thoughts of Randy (B)...thoughts of spending Thanksgiving without him or his family--as stiff as it was, it was something that touched my heart. I wrote Randy (A) a response e-mail finally. In it I mentioned how deeply my break-up with Randy (B) has cut me. The incision so deep that it has unleashed so many of my pushed down demons. Instead of trying to keep the feelings suppressed, I'm trying to let them out in a controlled way... like the other day telling chuck that it hurts my feelings sometimes when innocent jokes are taken too far. There are other things that I am working to find words or actions for with other people and in time I'm sure I will.