French Man and Cure

The irony of Ryan's. As I rested against the DJ booth, the music filled my head while I panned the room. My little brothers all drinking or drunk. "The Girl" (Joey's cousin) enjoying the attention. Roommate Art with his diet coke strolling around. Chuck drinking to alter because he's in too much control to do anything else. I was removed from it all. What I find fun has changed. It has changed because I have changed. It has changed because I've grown tired of hiding inside of the crowd.

My appointment went well. I mentioned that I'm not sleeping consistently. She suggested changing the time that I take my medication to when I wake up as opposed to right before I goto bed. If that doesn't work, she'll prescribe some sleeping meds.
I was awake for 28 hours. Slept only 4, and I've been awake since. On my break 30 minutes ago, I slept for 12 minutes. Naps are glorious.

After work yesterday, I had lunch with Ryan. I went to his house. That was nice to be let in. I was in cuddle mode. Tonight at The Boom with everyone, I drifted a lot. I found myself thinking of Ryan. Strange, Bobby & Joey's friend, Ryan, was there too. The moon shimmered on the water like when Ryan and I were watching it last week. Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan. Can I drown myself in the way I feel and swim at the same time.

Chuck asked me if I thought I would be dead without the meds. It was a question out of nowhere. It was odd. I wondered if it was because he cared or if it was just random.

Ryan asked me the other night while we were watching "GO" if I still used ecstasy. I explained to him that while on the meds I couldn't, even if I wanted to. It was a life changing decision that I made for myself. As quickly as the question was brought up it was dropped.

Philip called me out of the blue a couple days ago. It was nice talking to him. Strange. Good.

Skin so soft. Velvet he said. awe.