Squeaky hinges

2:42am There was a band/music group called 'Front 242.' Thought of this because of the time.

Can Reese's Pieces soothe the soul and make everything okay again? (I'm sure on a mission to find out.) I keep buying the one pound bags from Sav-on and chowing down on them when I arrive at work. If I live to be 100, I'll attribute it to the candy so that all of the parents of the time will have a hard time arguing with their children about the evils of sugar-foods. Atkins who?

2:58am No music group for this number. It's the week of Fall semester starting. Were Ryan and I just some nice Summer fling that was wonderful while it lasted, but the reality was looming over us the entire time? That would be a nice, movie ending. Doesn't play well in my reality.

Friendster strikes a message from a new person. Brad. Interesting bloke, but 23. Not that I'm looking at the moment--because I'm not. I've decided that there will be no dating for the entire Semester so that I may focus on me and only me. It will give me time to stop being sad about Rye. fuck fuck fuck.. grr

It's not just Ryan. After seeing Grandma Jean last year, I've really had no contact with her or Marthalee. I was hand writing some thoughts down earlier and I came to the conclusion that I don't deal with LOSS very well. I've never really faced it. I think I'll include the thoughts at a later date. They were a lot more thought out than what is on the surface of my mind now. I feel hot all over. It's like the flashes of heat except not flashing, just constant.

I spent much of the weekend with Chuck. I know there's a safety there that I can count on. I always have. We went to Motherload, The Abbey & then Popstarz on Friday night. As much as I could, I had a blast. It was nice to feel attractive, but the eyes were hollow compared to what I wanted.

Matt and I talked about going to a martini bar in Hollywood and getting a manicure. Hahaha. Never had one in my whole life. I think it's supposed to be a bar geared toward women. LINK: http://beautybar.com/HTML/lamain.html

3:37am I saw one of the shooting (falling) stars Saturday night. It was bright. Brilliant. It fell slowly and I thought of what wish I might make.

It brought tears to my eyes.