Mental Massage

New underwear is fun sometimes. I know I enjoyed mine last night. Here's my rule of thumb.... Got holes? Throw them away. You should always have a variety.... stay away from only one color. Have about 15 pairs of underwear. It's a good number.... allows for two weeks of no laundry and is also half the month. Is the elastic stretched out? Throw them away! Stains? Yeah... I think you get the idea.

I have an appointment today at 3pm to "review" how the Zoloft is working. I'm happy to report no sexual side effects. Haha. I say that but I've not actually tested out the "having" sex yet, but the right and the left hand agree that there's nothing impeding performance. ;-) I still feel like I'm not getting enough consecutive hours of sleep. I feel like I get enough overall/collectively, but I'd much rather sleep through 7-8 hours rather than 3-4 here and then 2 more later. The doc offered sleeping pills last time, but I didn't have that problem then---I could barely stay awake. I think I'll take her up on it today.

I'm going to have lunch with Ryan today. That's definitely something that puts a smile on my face. I briefly mentioned to Chuck online last night that I'm fairly certain much of my apprehension may be irrational fear that I'm carrying around. How very unsettling. Randy called and left me a message yesterday and has begun talking to me online. I'm able to see my lovable side in every expression of affection with Ryan, but I'm still working off the weight of distrust that crushed me with Randy. I'm smart enough to know that these are two separate people. I've always allowed a person the "innocent until proven guilty" assumption. I must remember me. I like him. Falling asleep next to him is a comfort that I miss and enjoy. Ryan touches me and it tickles. I smile or sigh. I rest my head on him. I feel safe. That's what the little voice inside of me reinforces.

There was an article on Yahoo about anti-depressant drugs creating new brain cells. I'm sure more research needs to be done. Doctors studying brain chemistry are like cave men following the stream to the ocean. They watch how it flows, but are clueless as to why or how.

I'm falling asleep at my desk now. I have 25 minutes until lunch. I'll take that time to rest up. Chuck is having a little gathering on Saturday. Ryan will be in Las Vegas all weekend. Randy (Cardwell) is also going to Vegas to visit Nathan. A big part of me would like to go to see Nate as well, but the two of them should have some alone time. The time to myself might do me good as well.

Gotta remember to stretch....