Data Dating

How do you know when you're ready? (For anything) Some would say that if you have to ask the question, then you're not ready. But there are those among us that will simply ask the question forever and will never know if they're ready unless they try.

I feel myself being freed. But I'm seeing patterns emerge that are remants of the old regime; tride & true structures that tell me I can rely on them because I know the predictable way each will turn out. Blah... what an insult to the cherub spreading his wings again. Vile rules that I will break eventually.

Heavy, heavy eyes. I'm having visions as I close my eyes. One just flashed with my brother, Philip, coming to give me a hug. Earlier, when I was napping, my phone alarm went off and I sat there almost drifting back to sleep but I distinctly saw an image of my self flash saying, "Get up." I so need to sleep. No more not sleeping. I just saw a college dorm room... long couch, talk of using the couch for "therapy" when friends come over to talk. These images are vivid. Too bad I can't tell if they're due to the change in med dosage or to the lack of sleep.

So even though I was disappointed not to see Ryan last night, it was probably for the best. If I had gotten no sleep at all, I would not be able to finish off the last three hours here at work. I REALLY wanted to see him. When I was at Chuck's gathering on Saturday I remembered what makes me great boyfriend material. Even though I see/feel the attraction to other people and may even verbalize and talk about it openly, I'm loyal to the end of time. I thought of this because of the cuteness factor of people there and my buzz. My mind remembered BRONSON in San Francisco when I was in "talks" to get back together with Lanny. I wouldn't kiss him because of that. White tank top. Sweet.