Sails in the wind

Wanna see what's inside my head: aweoighowshoarewgo;jsad fawefjwafe 34265tmn 3 56j;o32 ags0934nll 34w0t6wagekm 3409t8ujh we308g9tu3 4 34890u g 34u9j83e ews 3809u 34 sh 908u5rt4 h 540-u And that's just the part that I can figure out myself.

I thought just now that I'd turn my phone off for the weekend and leave a message that said, "This phone is turned off. I don't mean that it's off for a little while, I mean that all weekend long you will not be able to reach me." Then I remembered that I'm meeting up with Nathan tomorrow night and need it on. So yeah... that won't work.

There was a moment earlier when I was driving in my car and I thought about whether I'm choosing chaos over order because of the dramatic effect and feelings provoked. Lanny is *not* a life where I will be bored. It is not a life where I will want for excitement or experience. It's a life where I would constantly be working at improving myself to communicate better; trying to understand and change with him. There would be a social side that is not me and that I've wanted. Frolic. Fun. There would also be turmoil with his fears. There would be constant change. There is instability. These thoughts passed as I remembered that Ryan was at The Boom last Saturday and I told him I would call. I haven't yet. Ryan--to me--represents stability. (At least from what I remember and on the outside. He's a college grad, works with a good job, seems emotionally stable. These are the earmarks of people I avoid because... because I shun responsibility in my own way? Or I don't want any more than I already have. Or they're boring? Or I'm seeking chaos...haha I think life is an interesting milieu. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

So I'm all about finding school again this weekend. I thought about ditching the LSAT but that would be like not jumping out of the airplane and not taking that skydive just because I was by myself. It would have been nice to share this experience with Randy, but the reality is that I'm not going to and I'm going forward anyway. After the test I'm going to either stick around on the college campus and read my Algebra book or go into Hillcrest and stew there. Dinner with Nathan and then kick back at Numbers. I've never been to Numbers.

I project six hours of sleep. (If I'm lucky) When people get lucky, they usually aren't sleeping. Our language is so stupid.