On my walk home yesterday I thought about the relationships I have with my ex's. Specifically, Arturo, Chuck & Lanny. In my head I went over the immediate qualities that attract me to them and also the reasons why we did not work out. I then thought about how things have changed since the time we dated and tried to look objectively at how much we were either the same or different.
I don't know that Lanny will ever change. I know he's older and he feels his age, but I see the same issues boil to a head. NOT having sex with him this weekend will not be difficult mentally, but laying next to him will be tempting. It may be something that I leave for a weekend of fun, but I'll let him set the tone for that.
Arturo is very different. He's not the emotionally open and experimental boy that I met almost 11 years ago. He's still sensitive inside, but it's harder to get at that person. My feelings lingered for so long that when I finally moved back to Southern California in 1996 and realized that they wouldn't be revisited, I've been content with our relationship ever since.
That leaves..... haha.. and it's time to go home.
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The daily jazz of my mind, as pure & honest as possible; but know that words are themselves filters of the original thought/idea.
