Avenues of Spare Change

12:02am The night was a step in the direction of hope and yet my guard was up the whole time. I had Ken and his friend Allan over playing Monopoly on the Game Cube. Eddy joined later in the eve. People that said they would show up didn't bother. It really didn't matter because it was fun nonetheless.

I was reading my latest copy of Instinct magazine earlier. The Advocate as well. It's funny how the focus of each magazine has a completely different slant and yet they both have plenty of semi-clad men showing their abs, arms, etc. There is a common denominator.

I was talking on the phone with Tracy yesterday (Friday) and I said that I was taking a "geological pause." I was also out with Mark and made a joke about the condoms I have not being used by the expiration date.

3:39am
I received a message on my phone while working. As I listened to it between calls, it was Chuck noticeably upset and carefully restraining his words. It's strange to me that Shawn can fuck Eddy and yet he'll still talk to him but my extension of friendship to Eddy, without sex, is threatening to Chuck. I've always had friendships with cross-sections that don't like each other or who have histories. My head just says, "look at the example of Ken." A classic example of how Chuck will over react and then come to his senses. If ultimately I am proven wrong about Eddy's ability and willingness for to change, then I get walked on and am secure enough to know where I go from there.

We all use our own frame of reference to look at other people. It's the purity that I try to approach the world in that I see other people and am able to give chances where others see only failures. Those that would deceive or treat themselves with something less than respect see others as wanting to do the same thing.