Dec 5th Thoughts

We were all so exhausted yesterday that when we looked at our phones and it was only 5:40pm, we knew it was time to leave Disneyland, grab some dinner and then turn in early for the night. I don't think that's what we really wanted to do, but looking at the evening through my new 29yr old eyes, I suppose the thrill and drive of being out in the nightlife didn't win any points against health & sleep.

Friday was a definite affirmation to the friends in my life. I had made the decision to roll for the first time since March. This would be the 3rd time that I had done this by myself, but this would be the 1st time that I would be doing it by myself without the group really knowing. I waited until after dinner when family had left the larger group an those that remained headed over to The Boom. I brought a card with little pigs on them for Ali as a thank you for playing some requested songs for the evening. Cardwell & Lanny made good drinking buddies until Cardwell found a lightpole to lean against and tire out and Lanny found the alcohol overload area of his body. (Over & Over & Over agian.) My friends did a good job of taking turns of watching him so that I didn't have ot. Oddly though, I didn't "feel" that I had to anyway.

I found my mind focusing on two things. I was in hyper-sex-drive mode as I've felt that coming back lately. In my previous entry I had not talked about Chuck, which was more out of running out of time to type at work than anything else. I see him as changing, for himself. Though the change is small, it's something I cheer him on silently for achieving. When I hug him I feel his physical strength mixed with his emotional frailty; my arms around him I feel both safe and that I provide safety. I wish there wasn't so much fear in me.