Mind Pirates

5:44am I try to push it from my mind but it still bothers me. Here's why I think it does.... Because it is my instinct that has pin-pointed a feeling in the past and only later experience bares out the accuracy of that feeling.

Then there's the side of me that believes in the honesty of people; the willingness to do right and be good. This is the side of me that believes that people can & do change.

I do not like this feeling of fighting myself.

I zoned out for a moment and had this played out thought of a conversation that I might have with a therapist... I'm suspicious because of what I've gone through in my last relationship. I want to believe that everything is okay because I know that each person is different and should start with a clean slate. This might mean I'm not ready to be dating again. Maybe not yet. (But I want to. And if I want to then part of me is ready.)

I think also... What happened to me the last time I ignored instinct? I hurt myself--or allowed someone else to hurt me.

So there's the pisser.