Slicing The Frozen Tear

Mark and I hung out tonight. It was reminscent of our days just chatting about everything and nothing. Our time is in our dialogue. We made an attempt to check out the Main Street Karoake but it was pretty lame.

Kings of Convenience - "I'd Rather Dance"

Today was a bus adventure. I took the 70 to the 37 to get to my doctor's office in Anaheim. Dropped off paperwork then decided to roam for a while. I took the 47 to the 59 back to the 70. I find that if I'm not engaging myself with writing or proactively looking for street names that the vibration of the bus easily lulls me to sleep. Were it not for the constant starting and stopping to jerk me to and fro, I would've been asleep. While in Anaheim I got to eat at the old hole, MOS, for my teriyaki chicken bowl. As the bus went down Lincoln, it passed my old apartment and no memories sprang to mind....As I'm typing now I'm trailing off here. I'm caught up in music. I'm sad and happy. I'm doing things that are productive and making progress and I feel good about them. I can't shake the people from my past. (Recent or distant)

I know that Tyler moving on is for the best because I'd end up hurting him somehow and I don't want that; never wanted that. I remember arguing with some guy online when I was 20 that someone 30 would have a responsibility not to be involved with someone under 21 because they would have age and wisdom on their side. Hahaha, oh the "so sure" attitude of youth. I miss it sometimes.... But it's not just Ty that I think about. For some odd reason the damn Randy thoughts have made a considerable encroachment into my mind. Maybe it's because March is two years since we stopped living together and over four years now since we met. Maybe it's because March is his birthday. Maybe I sense something that I'm sure others, closer to him know more about. Maybe I'm just lonely at the core and can't shake the love that once was.

I'm looking forward to spending tomorrow just being free. Another adventure with the bus system, but Eddy will be joining me this time. THe mall, the beach or who knows where else we'll end up. My center is back with him.... as with other parts of my life. Or maybe I should say that my strides toward being "the old me" are more recognizable to me.

I'm cuddling in my head.