I said, I said, I said

Sitting here ripping CD's. I'm struck with memories from the Erasure album, "I Say I Say I Say." I can place myself in my 19 year old skin and I'm dating the first Randy in my life. His Honda Civic and mine. Drives to Los Angeles along the 10 FWY. Alta Loma, Rancho, Upland. Foothill Blvd., Route 66, the Red Hill Cafe. A party in Ontario at some guy, John's house. He loved Madonna and had all her albums, singles, etc. We would venture out to Ozz to dance because DJ Eric played a wide variety of things that everyone loved. It's where I met Cardwell for the first time, JD (Now Joe) and so many others. Aries, Rodney, Richey and Mikey were in the network with Arturo and Tom House. It would be the time when I was involving myself more with the The Center OC after attending Sunday youth group meetings. I remember the circle of chairs and the boys all looking at one another for some type of connection and understanding about themselves for the first time. Some having such an easy time with it and others so quiet and afraid. That would be where I met James the lifeguard and would explore West Beach for the first time.

And it would come to pass that I would move to Sacramento. I would end my relationship with one, start up with another and try that long distance death trap. I see all these things in my head flashing faster than I can type them all down. I'm smiling at the memories but they also bring tears. I think of all I've learned and how different the unfolding of life has turned out to be. It's nothing like the Jeremy then would have thought it was going to be. And now I'm not sure that I even can think in terms of what the future Jeremy will be, achieve, want or pass by. Time now seems not so much a burden or a blessing; just a static entity that cycles. (And we are spinning it's wheels)