In that time

The minds of creative youth are filled with the thoughts that fuel us. They will never enter this time again. They are the very excitement of life that makes it worth living.

Last night was the opening of Club Thrust. Good turn out. Ali did his usual great job mixing music. As my luck would have it, Randy was dancing. It's that funny song of coincidence, that song that never leaves your mind and you find yourself humming it all the time. Catchy & annoying at the same time. I drank to numb myself. A cute boy named Paul came up to me as I was "transitioning" and I don't even remember what he was talking about. Dustin from last Friday was there and I ended up making out with him on the floor again. It's during this time of being fluidly lost that I find some of the happiness inside of me that is overshadowed by the bottled pain. Simultaneously, this is when the pain is most evident. Sometimes I think the two have a synergy and that one can't exist without the other.

Martin, Corey, Austin, Chris, Willy, Phil and the rest of the boys were there. We were all dancing around. I was soaked. I left my sweat shirt at Ali's booth. I'd go back again. I'd be more prepared for what I would see. Eddy was also there. We both did a fine job of ignoring each other. I wanted to enjoy myself and didn't want to acknowledge anything heavy---I was already dealing with seeing my ex.

I finished watching season two of Dark Angel today. I'm bummed that it never went further. At least one more season.

Yesterday I spent time with Ty. It was nice to be sensual again. So much twisted pain in his eyes. I'm sure that part of the cosmic draw between us. I never fail to find that pain in someone.

Tonight... I'm letting go of a little bit more.
One tear at a time.