Saturday, September 20, 2003

Revelations 2.0

5:16am I'm surprisingly alert right now. Not 45 minutes before coming into work tonight I was sitting on the couch at home eating Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream and ready to close my eyes and drift into slumber. Now, 3 1/2 hours later, I'm having ideas and writing e-mails to people.

I have a committment ceremony that I'm going to on Sunday. I've never been to one before. It's for Gary & his boyfriend/partner, Chris. I've decided to write them a poem as a gift. Hahahaha... a poem about love and committment and a life together from a soul that is still healing.

I wonder what I would've been like had certain events not happened to carve out a very defensive and anti-authoritarian side to my personality. It's always on guard. Even in recent years when I have tamed this side, it operates in the background of my mind like a computer program that is always running but you never notice. I have such passionate surges of desire and equally strong curiosities of things I sense. There is anger that has been cornered and caged. There is rational and irrational tugging--- and aye, I feel heat that hasn't flashed in many weeks.