The bruise is completely gone now. It faded sometime overnight because I saw it yesterday before I went out. I don't heal as fast as I used to. This will get progressively worse, I know.
Today I found myself online a lot. I got home from Matt's and took my vitamins with some green tea. I napped. I went back online. I was reading people's profiles more than anything. I'm still searching for that connectedness and realized that I've isolated myself so much lately from how hurt I've been. I've been very afraid just to be "out" and open. I'm protecting myself the only way I've known how for so long, but it has it's failings.
Matt told me yesterday that I'm more "moral" than most people. Although I think it, I've never had anyone tell me that before. I have a perspective of a perfect world where no one deceives, no one inflicts pain, no one bruises the heart and soul of another because they know to do so is to hurt themselves. The standards that I try to hold myself to and live by I know I impose on others subconsciously. On the surface I want to be open-minded and allow for whatever lifestyle makes one happy without hurting another, but I know that certain choices of life are shrouded in a picture of happiness that will run as soon as the first splash of water hits it. The happines fades away... and the picture perfect lives turn out to be hollow sketches.
I have little motivation these days than that of sitting at the beach. Eating. Laughing with friends. Maybe that's everything to life as I see it.
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The daily jazz of my mind, as pure & honest as possible; but know that words are themselves filters of the original thought/idea.
