diet life

I'm trying to settle back into Irvine, CA now. It's been a week since I left. I've felt strange back now. Just deciding that you're going to go another try at something doesn't mean that it's easier or harder, it just means that a damn has been unleashed and a river set in motion.

I find that my schedule has me hyper by the time I arrive home after 10pm. I'm the opposite of my roomies and I'm nowhere ready to go to bed like Randy is from his long day; the next to begin again @ 6am. I talked to Anthony (work lead) today about the flex-rep position and I think the hope is that whoever gets it will have a shift that is from 8-5 or 9-6. That would be cool again. Familiar patterns.

Making life happen and living life. Sitting back and waiting for the next curve and adding a little motion to the movement by picking the next page to turn. A lot of what I've been processing this week is the idea that all choices eventually have the same outcome for us. I know a lot of people who will keep that as the main fact in their life and therefore not care about what they do or live "less agressive" lives. That's comforting in a way. I think other people take refuge in "controling" their lives. They have goals, lay out a plan and then work hard to achieve said goals. They are fulfilled by a sense that they have created a structure that they live in; a means that they live reality through. This works for me. At least, it used to. I felt the fabric of this structure unravelling coming out of high school. The thread has just been being pulled ever since. Either someone keeps knitting, or I just have one huge piece of wool to pull off.

Mark's b-day was last week. Randy C's is tomorrow. Forgive me for being less than a friend lately in remembering these things. Can I go away to a Greek island for about a month and come back later. Or blink a light year so that the reality of today is just a few hundred years in the past? No? Okay, well shit then.

Tomorrow I get to see Lorena. Yeah.

I did the dishes today. Funny how the stupid small things in life are what people care most about.