genes

Wake-up talking, goto Wells Fargo, end up at the relatives' for lunch.

I spent a good portion of the afternoon with aunt, uncle & and cousins. Strange how blood is so gentically close and yet relatively distant. I actually enjoyed myself after getting past the about not really knowing each other. In that sense, how really different is it from being in a rave and talking to complete strangers, save having mutual family members to reference.

I learned that my grandfather is waning. I knew this to some extent, but I could see how my uncle was really seeing mortality closing in. Perhaps it is for him like it was for my mother with my grandmother seeing as he is closer to Grandpa. I can feel that inner sense expanding right now. I can feel a connection of something I don't understand and I feel my mind trying to put meaning to it.

I still have this desire for a close family. I feel a surge within to start contacting people--in small ways--to simply establish a link of togetherness. I miss the big family holiday gatherings. I fear that unless someone tries to bring everyone together those who have passed may have spent a lifetime of raising lost souls. I don't want to be a fragmant.

FLASHTHOUGHT: Mixing oil & water....Randy C. & Mark.

So Heidi graduates on May 17th. It sounds like a great roadtrip. Okay...I'm off to a rave: The 5th Day.