Egregious Love

I'm awake from another day of night sleep. Feels nice. The last two nights I have collapsed in bed in exhaustion and woken up not with the rising sun's rays coming through the window on me, but the light gray reflection from the light bouncing off the clouds. I've been dreaming. While I remember images, I don't remember content. I seem to have an impression of a lot of physical activity in the dreams because I wake up and my body feels like I've been using it.

I also wake up alone. I'm on my side and I'm holding a scrunched up blanket between my arms & legs. I have my arms around something without substance. I made a comment to Cardwell last night after dinner that I knew I had become "okay" with being single again when the sober days/nights started to outweigh the altered ones; such truth in the passing thoughts. I know that the random sex of the past week has really got me started on feeling that piece of me that wants to be tender and hold someone.

So I roll over and check my e-mail. There's one from Mack at Jam On It Productions, summarizing the events of Slink that took place Saturday Night going on Sunday morning. I, of course, was working. I had planned on going since earlier in the year when I thought I would be off of the graveyard schedule. Mack is someone that I met through Gabby back in my DanceSafe days. My famous smoking pot for the first time through a bong story would never have brought so many laughter had it not been for Mack offering one day. As I look back on my interactions with Mack, I never really got to know him, but I always had a sense of his good intentions. That's a very rare thing to find in someone who is dealing drugs. VERY rare indeed. As I floated out of the rave, nightclub, circuit scene, I also lost touch with a lot of people involved in it.

Reading his review of Slinky, I started crying a little bit because his examples of people having a good time, pulling together, helping to clean the event; these things embody what it is that I see lacking in everyday life between the cultures of the world. These are the things that I feel all the time when I'm walking down a sidewalk, driving around on streets, swimming in the ocean. It's a pool of energy that carries me through each day and that I try and share as much as possible----and that will be my life-long struggle. Sharing something of myself that I was conditioned to keep hidden.

Today is "my" Sunday evening. Since I've changed my sleep patterns, looks like I'll be pulling an all-nighter.

"Rapture" - IIO (Deep Dish Remix)... I lay back, close my eyes and think: "Sugar, you make my soul complete, rapture tastes so sweet." ::shivers::