These are the Dark Days of NASA's History

I almost cried watching "The Butterfly Effect" tonight.

Got my response from Andy... he thinks that I'm "shady."

Had a conversation online with Arturo where he thought I could have been more "compassionate."

Mark and I discussed the idea of social moral responsibility and the role of an individual to usurp corporate confidentiality.

Ken and I better friends because of Chuck's childishness. Ironic.

I think of each of the conversations above and how they begin to settle in my brain and form memories. I've learned that there's nothing invested in Andy and to let that go; the idea of someone not knowing me is bothersome, but not wanting to get to know me is more so. Compassion is not in small reserve with me. Compassion is how I find myself with so many stray pups. I am no so compassionate that I am going to be stupid and continue to let someone trick me. I think that was already a hard learned lesson.

I thought of John and Steve yesterday. I thought about how John was 31 and Steve was 21 when they met and they've been together 20-something years now. I remember Steve mentioning once that John was such a sad/depressed man at the time. I wonder if they provided each other with something essential for the other that keeps them going. Is it the way that they were raised? The first seven years were the hardest is what I was told. Hardest?

And idea traipsed through my mind that I've begun buying DVD's (it used to be CD's) as a means of collecting tangible things that bind me here. You can't take the physical things with you to wherever, if there is a "wherever." I spent a lot of time learning to minimize the possessions that I have but I find myself getting more, gifting away, then getting more again. This whole cycle follows with the idea of buying a house, a car, anything really. Why do I keep picturing a monk in my head with a rayon cloth robe that moves with sleek glide across the land?

Friday morning in the dark.