Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Strobes
I once put a strobe light in the bathroom while I was taking a shower and realized that the water coming out of the shower head was not one continuous stream, but really individual droplets moving so fast as to seem like they were connected. People can be similar.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Randomly Bothered
Self-medication. I'd guess we all do it to some extent or another. For me, the medication changes to deal with the same issues. I wonder if that's better/worse than using the same medication to deal with different issues. I suppose it depends on the issues. I suppose it depends on the medication. I suppose I'm talking in circles.
I just got a call where the guy was trying to get me to tell him who called him at 4am yesterday morning. "I have the number, can you tell me who the person is?" I don't know if he was drunk or high or just the product of a backwoods beastiality brawl. "You see, it's been randomly bothering me." Randomly bothering? Oh shit...I can't write shit this good.
Nathan's grandmother (Oma) died today or yesterday. (My times are screwed up on graveyard) This comes at such a pivotal time in his recovery. I have this inner picture of his family bonding over the loss. I don't know if that's hopefulness or clairvoyance.
This loss, coupled with the e-mail dialogue of the past few days knocked something together as far as speaking with my mother. I sent an e-mail to explain what has angered me so.
As I suspected, my sister is at the age where comprehension of the world around her has arrived. I fowarded her the perviously entry to get her thoughts. She was quite articulate in her response. Funny too. Soon I will share with her the journal entries of my teenage years.
I just got a call where the guy was trying to get me to tell him who called him at 4am yesterday morning. "I have the number, can you tell me who the person is?" I don't know if he was drunk or high or just the product of a backwoods beastiality brawl. "You see, it's been randomly bothering me." Randomly bothering? Oh shit...I can't write shit this good.
Nathan's grandmother (Oma) died today or yesterday. (My times are screwed up on graveyard) This comes at such a pivotal time in his recovery. I have this inner picture of his family bonding over the loss. I don't know if that's hopefulness or clairvoyance.
This loss, coupled with the e-mail dialogue of the past few days knocked something together as far as speaking with my mother. I sent an e-mail to explain what has angered me so.
As I suspected, my sister is at the age where comprehension of the world around her has arrived. I fowarded her the perviously entry to get her thoughts. She was quite articulate in her response. Funny too. Soon I will share with her the journal entries of my teenage years.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Choose life...Choose a Job
That *nature* I talked about in my previous entry. I feel it more than ever after writing this e-mail below.
-j.r.me
=====================================
Kim,
I do thank you for your honest responses. Part of the on-going education I provide here in Orange County is speaking in front of students when invited for Human Sexuality courses in colleges/universities and in high school diversity or tolerance weeks so I'm happy to answer your questions as they're ones I've heard many times before.
I've learned that there are as many misunderstanding and misconceptions about LGBT. Probably as many as I would have about relations and struggles in the Middle East. I'm not a part of that community, nor do the issues there mean anything to me personally. I'm completely ignorant of the strifes & struggles about why certain people want one thing and others another. It would either take me having a personal stake in the matter or a desire to want to educate myself to really know anything about the Middle East and the same holds true for LGBT issues.
There can be no change without dialogue, so I really do appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Now, my responses...((And I know how hard it is to interpret intent, inflection, tone, etc in e-mail communication, so I'll just say now that I wrote all of the following being level-headed, calm and in a way that was simply reading and responding. I hope that my words came out that way.))
>First before I answer I would like to know for what purpose are you pursuing
>this legislation? Is it for equal benefit rights? Or to make a statement
>that LGBT relationships are the same as any other type of relationship?
For me, this issue is all about equal rights. It's about not having to live as a 2nd class citizen. This would mean civil rights & benefit rights. Please correct me if you meant something different, but when I see the word "benefits" I immediately think of health benefits (medical, dental, vision) These are things that I already have in working for a company that provides same sex benefits.
In this country we have a separation of Church & State. For me, this means that regardless of what one believes religiously, the State still has an obligation to provide the same legal protections & allowances as any other person. What of the agnostic, aetheist or simply those that don't practice any faith? What of the Bhuddist, whose religion doesn't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation? My discussions are purely relating to the State and the civil rights afforded by same.
EXAMPLE 1:
1) Heterosexual couple "married" for 15 years. One Spouse dies.
2) LGBT couple "married" for 15 years. One Spouse dies.
Civil Rights.....In couple #1, the surviving spouse automatically assumes control over property, money, benefits, etc. Custody of your children is automatically transferred. If the couple is retired, the social security benefits are automatically transferred. These are just a few of the common, tip of the iceberg civil rights that you probably take for granted. In couple #2, none of these things are transferred.
EXAMPLE 2:
Same couples above, this time no death, but one spouse is in a coma in the hospital.
Civil Rights...as a heterosexual married couple you legally have the right to make any life/death decisions on the part of your spouse. Do you keep them on life support? What course of treatment do you go with? Your spouses mother/father or other family cannot make those decisions---You have that right. In the LGBT couple, depending on the State one lives in, the spouse may have no decision and perhaps not be allowed even in the hospital room. The immediately family of the person in the coma has the right to make decisions about their health.
In these examples, the basic point is that what makes one relationship any less valid in the eyes of the State?
>I would hope that they parents whomever
>they are would not force one lifestyle or another on the child. Now in that
>light- I will raise my kids with the morals that I carry and that includes
>loving everyone no matter who they are or who they choose to love. My child
>can then make the decisions that they wish. I do believe that homosexuality
>is a choice. Just as having sex outside of marriage is. I would hope that
>I raise my child to make the right decisions, but in the end the decision is
>still theirs and I will love them no matter what.
If one's sexual orientation is a choice, when did you choose your heterosexuality? It sounds like an absurd question, but seriously, when did you say to yourself, "Today I'm going to be a heterosexual.?" Most people I've talked to didn't choose to be straight---they just are. The same would hold true for me.
When it comes to choice, there is behavior and there is orientation. Choosing to have sex outside of marriage is a behavior. Inmates in prison choose to have sex with other men. This is a behavior---it does not mean that the inmates sexual orientaion is homosexual, it only means that they are choosing to engage in homosexual acts. Sexual orientation is not a choice. The natural attraction of Who turns your head, that instinct, that flutter in your heart, sweatiness of the palms being around someone---that is not something you choose. ((Or at least I don't remember choosing it.))
When you met your husband, you made a choice to share your life and you constatntly make choices in your relationship, but did you choose to love like you would choose what outfit to wear? When having your children, did you have to choose to love them or did that come naturally? COULD YOU CHOOSE *NOT* TO LOVE YOUR CHILD? You see, my point is that there are things that you feel without making a choice to feel them. Who turns my head is not a choice. Now, to act on those feelings---that behavior is a choice.
>Now- how do I feel about same sex partners mothering and fathering kids for each other. Don't like it. I think they should adopt. Then again I don't
>believe in surrogating for anyone.
Okay, so it's okay for same sex mothers/fathers to adopt & raise kids as long as it's not biologically their own? This does not make any sense to me, could you please explain?
For myself, my personal philosophy is that there are plenty of abandon & unwanted children in this world so adoption would be the choice for me, but shouldn't preclude someone else's right to father or mother their own children.
And if it's okay to adopt, wouldn't it be more beneficial for the child to know they are raised in a family that is sanctioned by the State in a marriage? With a heterosexual couple, when two people have a child and are not married, they are said to have the child out of wedlock... a bastard child. We (society) look at a couple who is married as being somehow more socially acceptable to raise a child. So if it's okay for a same sex couple to adopt, then why penalize the innocent child by not allowing its parents to marry?
>My problem with the LGBT lifestyle and how I have to explain it to my kids
>is the way that it is portrayed in the media.
The media...is the media. It will always be sensationalized in such a way that it can sell sell sell. If we're talking media, there is plenty of trash on TV period, regardless of the subject matter. It's a simple choice to turn the TV off and/or monitor what your children are watching.
>Even shows that are suppose
>to be "gay friendly" I think portray the gay lifestyle in a very unfriendly
>manner. The general public concern is that "all" gay people are perverts
>and sexual deviants. Then you have shows like "queer as folk" that I think
>only emphasize that even more. The show has a VERY strong and sometimes in
>my opinion "perverse" sexual content and spends more time on the sexual
>escapades than on the relationships and friendships of the characters.
LOL. Well, I commend you on having watched QAF, although I'd hardly use that as a template for the typical gay "lifestyle." Think of it this way.....If I went to a straight club and watched the interactions of people in this dance environment and walked away thinking that this was how all people met, in a club/bar while drinking, doing drugs, etc.... would I be right to make that assumption? If I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans and saw all of these straight people yelling & screaming and celebrating, is that how most people in this country live their lives everyday? It's all in context.
I look at QAF specifically as entertainment, nothing more. Groundbreaking in as much as a show such as it has never been aired in the United States before, but I can guarantee that my life has never been so exciting, dramatic, pathetic or explicit. But that's the point of entertainment in my eyes.
>When
>a show like "sex and the city" which has sex it's name, talks a lot about
>sex but in the relationship factor.
The character, Samantha has sex with a different person in almost every episode. This is flattering? Even when she had a pseudo-relationship with Richard, the emphasis was always on the sex. Again, I watch this show for entertainment, but having never been to New York myself, I would not assume that the lives of these four women are typical female lives in New York... it's just fun to watch.
Also, this brings up the differences between men & women. Sex In The City is a female oriented show, focusing on talking about relationships. Get all of your husbands together and are they going to bare their souls like these women do in conversation? No. The typical male just doesn't do that. In Queer As Folk, the audience is for men primarily. Regardless of whether we're talking straight or gay men.....sex is something that men talk about in terms of their conquests & escapades as if they were achievements rather than their emotional state of mind or their relationships.
>For example, "queer as folk" how many
>times have there been scenes with that one guy and all the porn and the porn
>shots going on in the background and all of that. If you have a non-gay
>friendly person channel surfing and they flip through that- what do they
>think- THOSE DAMN GAY PERVERTS! The sex is never in a portrayed in a
>"normal" light- it is always in the extreme!
If I was channel surfing and came across any number of cable stations I could form an uneducated opinion. There are plenty of movies that are not mainstream media that portray something "normal." I don't suspect though that someone who is "non-gay friendly" is going to be any more friendly by seeing "normal" gay sex as opposed to "extreme."
I find it strange that we're even on the topic of sex. All I was originally talking about was securing equal civil rights---marriage and/or a civil union. My sex life, your sex life--anyone's sex life is something private that isn't being discussed here. What we're talking about are people's right to legally solidfy their committment to each other and receive the benefits of that union.
>Now I know "Will and Grace" is
>prime time programming, but still this shows emphasizes the relationships of
>the characters with a little sex thrown in- but still shows them in a more
>positive light. I would have no problem letting my child when they are of
>age watch "Will and Grace".
I don't even watch Will & Grace. hahaha Again, this is entertainment. Will & Grace is a sit-com on a public TV station. QAF is on a pay service cable channel.
>Homosexuality is not going to just go away. I
>want my kids to embrace the "people" no different than anyone else. You
>don't have to like what they do- but they are people like you and me none
>the less.
And you can't treat them as any less than people or deny them any less rights than other people. Again, I read things like "what they do" and I don't know why this is the focus. The focus should be on people as "who they are."
This area is probably one where I feel emotional right now. I read the overall e-mail and also read Lorena's responses. I think to myself that you are the people I grew up with and who know me and yet would consciously make a decision to deny me life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness. It's perplexing. It hurts. Even a convicted murderer locked in a cell has the right to be married, but I cannot. I participated in your own wedding ceremony, the same or similar type of committment is somehow not good enough for me. I'm not even interested in having God involved--all I want is to be legally recognized by the government. (Short of moving to Vermont)
>Plus, it seems that SO MUCH of the gay lifestyle revolves around sex. If
>this is just a misperception then I apologize. However, just as
>heterosexual parents should refrain from sexual interactions and dialogue
>around their children I would hope that homosexual parents and their friends
>would do the same.
Who's talking about sex to their children? This parenting creedo goes without saying in my mind. That's just proper parenting. Limits & boundaries. Whem my sister was seven years old, my mother didn't say, "Sarah, Jeremy has sex with other boys." My mom said, "Some boys love girls and some boys love boys." End of story.
I've heard this perception that "gay lifestyle" revolves around sex and that homosexuals are all promiscuous individuals....for the sake of argument, if this were true, than wouldn't it be desirable to allow these individuals to marry so that they would be held to the committment of that union? This would seem to make sense, and yet the same people I see making accusations of promiscuity are the ones that also would deny me the right to marry. Catch 22.
I don't think homosexuals have the market cornered on promiscuity. If we're only 10% (or less) of the population, and even if every single one of us was promiscuous, that leaves 90% of the rest of the population that face cheating in their marriages. The national average of 40+% of marriages ending in divorce--I don't see gay people contributing to this problem. The plain and simple truth as I see it is that there are liars and cheets in straight relationships and there are the same in gay ones. There are sluts & whores and gigalos in every walk of life. That's just human, no more, no less.
>While we are on the subject... something that has ALWAYS bothered me about
>"the gay population" is that you want us "the other population" to believe
>that you are "just like us", "just regular people" yet you are constantly
>singling yourselves out. "Gay Pride" and all that.
I see all of these red, white & blue stickers on the backs of people's vehicles since 9/11 that say "Together We Stand," "United We Stand, " and "Power of Pride." There is truth in this. When a group of people are together, there is strength. When you're persecuted, oppressed and attacked, you better believe that people are going to band together to find others that can relate to them.
Lorena may know this statistic better than I, but the last time I read something on teen suicide rates, 30% of teen suicides are kids who are dealing with their sexual identity. (The information I read based this on the suicide notes left behind that stated this issue) Why do we need pride parades? Because thousands of children, year after year, are growing up in homes where parents make derogatory comments toward LGBT and/or teach their children a religious faith that makes them feel ashamed of who they are. If a child in a school was being teased because they were African-American or Asian, they could go home and confide in their parents this information. A gay or lesbian youth does not always have that same protective environment to confide in and so they are isolated and alone. (Although I may have had other issues with my Mother, I'm thankful that I never had to worry about whether she would accept me as being gay.) Gay pride parades are that one day a year where people of a local community can identify with other people like them--to know that they aren't the only people in the world and to not worry about what might be said about them in public.
As for being "regular people," I think what is meant is this: we're born, goto school, goto work, pay taxes, pay bills, consume products, love other people, make mistakes, breathe and die like everyone else. We're regular people. Treat us with the dignity & respect and rights as everyone else.
>And as far as the
>sexual deviants and perverts perception- the gay pride parades look like a
>sexual deviants and pervert's circus. Where are the regular joe's? Why is
>everything an extreme?
Regular Joe's don't see airtime. Regular joes don't sell magazines & newspapers. Have you ever been to a Gay Pride Parade? Although it's been a few years for me, I'd be glad to go with you sometime so you can see the "real" picture and not the 15 second TV sound bite. The "extreme" factions that march are about maybe a tenth of the total parade. Sure, they're going to be focused in on because it's different.
When is the last time that Jenny Jones or Ricki Lake had everyday average working moms on their show? Jerry Springer? (And yes, I know I'm naming sensational talk shows, but even Oprah doesn't have the majority of her airtime devoted to ordinary housewives or ordinary stay at home dads.)
>They preach they are just like everyone else- yet
>they prance around in more make-up than Tammy Faye acting stupid! Is that
>truly who you want to represent you? Maybe you can explain to me the
>thought process behind the whole "drag queen" thing? Guys dressed like
>women- but dressed worse than even the trashiest hooker. If they truly feel
>like women inside- then why not look like a NORMAL woman?
Again, drag queens are a part of the overall LGBT community. They no more represent me than I represent them. I'm 1/2 Filipino, but that doesn't mean that I represent a typical Filipino-American..hahaha..for by all means I've been completely white-washed. Regardless of whether I want a drag queen to represent me or not, the rights I'm talking about should be just as much theirs as they should be mine, not just yours alone.
-j.r.me
=====================================
Kim,
I do thank you for your honest responses. Part of the on-going education I provide here in Orange County is speaking in front of students when invited for Human Sexuality courses in colleges/universities and in high school diversity or tolerance weeks so I'm happy to answer your questions as they're ones I've heard many times before.
I've learned that there are as many misunderstanding and misconceptions about LGBT. Probably as many as I would have about relations and struggles in the Middle East. I'm not a part of that community, nor do the issues there mean anything to me personally. I'm completely ignorant of the strifes & struggles about why certain people want one thing and others another. It would either take me having a personal stake in the matter or a desire to want to educate myself to really know anything about the Middle East and the same holds true for LGBT issues.
There can be no change without dialogue, so I really do appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Now, my responses...((And I know how hard it is to interpret intent, inflection, tone, etc in e-mail communication, so I'll just say now that I wrote all of the following being level-headed, calm and in a way that was simply reading and responding. I hope that my words came out that way.))
>First before I answer I would like to know for what purpose are you pursuing
>this legislation? Is it for equal benefit rights? Or to make a statement
>that LGBT relationships are the same as any other type of relationship?
For me, this issue is all about equal rights. It's about not having to live as a 2nd class citizen. This would mean civil rights & benefit rights. Please correct me if you meant something different, but when I see the word "benefits" I immediately think of health benefits (medical, dental, vision) These are things that I already have in working for a company that provides same sex benefits.
In this country we have a separation of Church & State. For me, this means that regardless of what one believes religiously, the State still has an obligation to provide the same legal protections & allowances as any other person. What of the agnostic, aetheist or simply those that don't practice any faith? What of the Bhuddist, whose religion doesn't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation? My discussions are purely relating to the State and the civil rights afforded by same.
EXAMPLE 1:
1) Heterosexual couple "married" for 15 years. One Spouse dies.
2) LGBT couple "married" for 15 years. One Spouse dies.
Civil Rights.....In couple #1, the surviving spouse automatically assumes control over property, money, benefits, etc. Custody of your children is automatically transferred. If the couple is retired, the social security benefits are automatically transferred. These are just a few of the common, tip of the iceberg civil rights that you probably take for granted. In couple #2, none of these things are transferred.
EXAMPLE 2:
Same couples above, this time no death, but one spouse is in a coma in the hospital.
Civil Rights...as a heterosexual married couple you legally have the right to make any life/death decisions on the part of your spouse. Do you keep them on life support? What course of treatment do you go with? Your spouses mother/father or other family cannot make those decisions---You have that right. In the LGBT couple, depending on the State one lives in, the spouse may have no decision and perhaps not be allowed even in the hospital room. The immediately family of the person in the coma has the right to make decisions about their health.
In these examples, the basic point is that what makes one relationship any less valid in the eyes of the State?
>I would hope that they parents whomever
>they are would not force one lifestyle or another on the child. Now in that
>light- I will raise my kids with the morals that I carry and that includes
>loving everyone no matter who they are or who they choose to love. My child
>can then make the decisions that they wish. I do believe that homosexuality
>is a choice. Just as having sex outside of marriage is. I would hope that
>I raise my child to make the right decisions, but in the end the decision is
>still theirs and I will love them no matter what.
If one's sexual orientation is a choice, when did you choose your heterosexuality? It sounds like an absurd question, but seriously, when did you say to yourself, "Today I'm going to be a heterosexual.?" Most people I've talked to didn't choose to be straight---they just are. The same would hold true for me.
When it comes to choice, there is behavior and there is orientation. Choosing to have sex outside of marriage is a behavior. Inmates in prison choose to have sex with other men. This is a behavior---it does not mean that the inmates sexual orientaion is homosexual, it only means that they are choosing to engage in homosexual acts. Sexual orientation is not a choice. The natural attraction of Who turns your head, that instinct, that flutter in your heart, sweatiness of the palms being around someone---that is not something you choose. ((Or at least I don't remember choosing it.))
When you met your husband, you made a choice to share your life and you constatntly make choices in your relationship, but did you choose to love like you would choose what outfit to wear? When having your children, did you have to choose to love them or did that come naturally? COULD YOU CHOOSE *NOT* TO LOVE YOUR CHILD? You see, my point is that there are things that you feel without making a choice to feel them. Who turns my head is not a choice. Now, to act on those feelings---that behavior is a choice.
>Now- how do I feel about same sex partners mothering and fathering kids for each other. Don't like it. I think they should adopt. Then again I don't
>believe in surrogating for anyone.
Okay, so it's okay for same sex mothers/fathers to adopt & raise kids as long as it's not biologically their own? This does not make any sense to me, could you please explain?
For myself, my personal philosophy is that there are plenty of abandon & unwanted children in this world so adoption would be the choice for me, but shouldn't preclude someone else's right to father or mother their own children.
And if it's okay to adopt, wouldn't it be more beneficial for the child to know they are raised in a family that is sanctioned by the State in a marriage? With a heterosexual couple, when two people have a child and are not married, they are said to have the child out of wedlock... a bastard child. We (society) look at a couple who is married as being somehow more socially acceptable to raise a child. So if it's okay for a same sex couple to adopt, then why penalize the innocent child by not allowing its parents to marry?
>My problem with the LGBT lifestyle and how I have to explain it to my kids
>is the way that it is portrayed in the media.
The media...is the media. It will always be sensationalized in such a way that it can sell sell sell. If we're talking media, there is plenty of trash on TV period, regardless of the subject matter. It's a simple choice to turn the TV off and/or monitor what your children are watching.
>Even shows that are suppose
>to be "gay friendly" I think portray the gay lifestyle in a very unfriendly
>manner. The general public concern is that "all" gay people are perverts
>and sexual deviants. Then you have shows like "queer as folk" that I think
>only emphasize that even more. The show has a VERY strong and sometimes in
>my opinion "perverse" sexual content and spends more time on the sexual
>escapades than on the relationships and friendships of the characters.
LOL. Well, I commend you on having watched QAF, although I'd hardly use that as a template for the typical gay "lifestyle." Think of it this way.....If I went to a straight club and watched the interactions of people in this dance environment and walked away thinking that this was how all people met, in a club/bar while drinking, doing drugs, etc.... would I be right to make that assumption? If I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans and saw all of these straight people yelling & screaming and celebrating, is that how most people in this country live their lives everyday? It's all in context.
I look at QAF specifically as entertainment, nothing more. Groundbreaking in as much as a show such as it has never been aired in the United States before, but I can guarantee that my life has never been so exciting, dramatic, pathetic or explicit. But that's the point of entertainment in my eyes.
>When
>a show like "sex and the city" which has sex it's name, talks a lot about
>sex but in the relationship factor.
The character, Samantha has sex with a different person in almost every episode. This is flattering? Even when she had a pseudo-relationship with Richard, the emphasis was always on the sex. Again, I watch this show for entertainment, but having never been to New York myself, I would not assume that the lives of these four women are typical female lives in New York... it's just fun to watch.
Also, this brings up the differences between men & women. Sex In The City is a female oriented show, focusing on talking about relationships. Get all of your husbands together and are they going to bare their souls like these women do in conversation? No. The typical male just doesn't do that. In Queer As Folk, the audience is for men primarily. Regardless of whether we're talking straight or gay men.....sex is something that men talk about in terms of their conquests & escapades as if they were achievements rather than their emotional state of mind or their relationships.
>For example, "queer as folk" how many
>times have there been scenes with that one guy and all the porn and the porn
>shots going on in the background and all of that. If you have a non-gay
>friendly person channel surfing and they flip through that- what do they
>think- THOSE DAMN GAY PERVERTS! The sex is never in a portrayed in a
>"normal" light- it is always in the extreme!
If I was channel surfing and came across any number of cable stations I could form an uneducated opinion. There are plenty of movies that are not mainstream media that portray something "normal." I don't suspect though that someone who is "non-gay friendly" is going to be any more friendly by seeing "normal" gay sex as opposed to "extreme."
I find it strange that we're even on the topic of sex. All I was originally talking about was securing equal civil rights---marriage and/or a civil union. My sex life, your sex life--anyone's sex life is something private that isn't being discussed here. What we're talking about are people's right to legally solidfy their committment to each other and receive the benefits of that union.
>Now I know "Will and Grace" is
>prime time programming, but still this shows emphasizes the relationships of
>the characters with a little sex thrown in- but still shows them in a more
>positive light. I would have no problem letting my child when they are of
>age watch "Will and Grace".
I don't even watch Will & Grace. hahaha Again, this is entertainment. Will & Grace is a sit-com on a public TV station. QAF is on a pay service cable channel.
>Homosexuality is not going to just go away. I
>want my kids to embrace the "people" no different than anyone else. You
>don't have to like what they do- but they are people like you and me none
>the less.
And you can't treat them as any less than people or deny them any less rights than other people. Again, I read things like "what they do" and I don't know why this is the focus. The focus should be on people as "who they are."
This area is probably one where I feel emotional right now. I read the overall e-mail and also read Lorena's responses. I think to myself that you are the people I grew up with and who know me and yet would consciously make a decision to deny me life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness. It's perplexing. It hurts. Even a convicted murderer locked in a cell has the right to be married, but I cannot. I participated in your own wedding ceremony, the same or similar type of committment is somehow not good enough for me. I'm not even interested in having God involved--all I want is to be legally recognized by the government. (Short of moving to Vermont)
>Plus, it seems that SO MUCH of the gay lifestyle revolves around sex. If
>this is just a misperception then I apologize. However, just as
>heterosexual parents should refrain from sexual interactions and dialogue
>around their children I would hope that homosexual parents and their friends
>would do the same.
Who's talking about sex to their children? This parenting creedo goes without saying in my mind. That's just proper parenting. Limits & boundaries. Whem my sister was seven years old, my mother didn't say, "Sarah, Jeremy has sex with other boys." My mom said, "Some boys love girls and some boys love boys." End of story.
I've heard this perception that "gay lifestyle" revolves around sex and that homosexuals are all promiscuous individuals....for the sake of argument, if this were true, than wouldn't it be desirable to allow these individuals to marry so that they would be held to the committment of that union? This would seem to make sense, and yet the same people I see making accusations of promiscuity are the ones that also would deny me the right to marry. Catch 22.
I don't think homosexuals have the market cornered on promiscuity. If we're only 10% (or less) of the population, and even if every single one of us was promiscuous, that leaves 90% of the rest of the population that face cheating in their marriages. The national average of 40+% of marriages ending in divorce--I don't see gay people contributing to this problem. The plain and simple truth as I see it is that there are liars and cheets in straight relationships and there are the same in gay ones. There are sluts & whores and gigalos in every walk of life. That's just human, no more, no less.
>While we are on the subject... something that has ALWAYS bothered me about
>"the gay population" is that you want us "the other population" to believe
>that you are "just like us", "just regular people" yet you are constantly
>singling yourselves out. "Gay Pride" and all that.
I see all of these red, white & blue stickers on the backs of people's vehicles since 9/11 that say "Together We Stand," "United We Stand, " and "Power of Pride." There is truth in this. When a group of people are together, there is strength. When you're persecuted, oppressed and attacked, you better believe that people are going to band together to find others that can relate to them.
Lorena may know this statistic better than I, but the last time I read something on teen suicide rates, 30% of teen suicides are kids who are dealing with their sexual identity. (The information I read based this on the suicide notes left behind that stated this issue) Why do we need pride parades? Because thousands of children, year after year, are growing up in homes where parents make derogatory comments toward LGBT and/or teach their children a religious faith that makes them feel ashamed of who they are. If a child in a school was being teased because they were African-American or Asian, they could go home and confide in their parents this information. A gay or lesbian youth does not always have that same protective environment to confide in and so they are isolated and alone. (Although I may have had other issues with my Mother, I'm thankful that I never had to worry about whether she would accept me as being gay.) Gay pride parades are that one day a year where people of a local community can identify with other people like them--to know that they aren't the only people in the world and to not worry about what might be said about them in public.
As for being "regular people," I think what is meant is this: we're born, goto school, goto work, pay taxes, pay bills, consume products, love other people, make mistakes, breathe and die like everyone else. We're regular people. Treat us with the dignity & respect and rights as everyone else.
>And as far as the
>sexual deviants and perverts perception- the gay pride parades look like a
>sexual deviants and pervert's circus. Where are the regular joe's? Why is
>everything an extreme?
Regular Joe's don't see airtime. Regular joes don't sell magazines & newspapers. Have you ever been to a Gay Pride Parade? Although it's been a few years for me, I'd be glad to go with you sometime so you can see the "real" picture and not the 15 second TV sound bite. The "extreme" factions that march are about maybe a tenth of the total parade. Sure, they're going to be focused in on because it's different.
When is the last time that Jenny Jones or Ricki Lake had everyday average working moms on their show? Jerry Springer? (And yes, I know I'm naming sensational talk shows, but even Oprah doesn't have the majority of her airtime devoted to ordinary housewives or ordinary stay at home dads.)
>They preach they are just like everyone else- yet
>they prance around in more make-up than Tammy Faye acting stupid! Is that
>truly who you want to represent you? Maybe you can explain to me the
>thought process behind the whole "drag queen" thing? Guys dressed like
>women- but dressed worse than even the trashiest hooker. If they truly feel
>like women inside- then why not look like a NORMAL woman?
Again, drag queens are a part of the overall LGBT community. They no more represent me than I represent them. I'm 1/2 Filipino, but that doesn't mean that I represent a typical Filipino-American..hahaha..for by all means I've been completely white-washed. Regardless of whether I want a drag queen to represent me or not, the rights I'm talking about should be just as much theirs as they should be mine, not just yours alone.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Believe me, It's true
Who takes care of me? Yeah...it sounds a wee bit selfish, but I've been thinking about it the past few days. There are times when I don't feel like being strong or decisive. I don't want to know the answer. I can't think to formulate an opinion. I want to sigh and retreat into someone else. These moments are brief, but they exist and I feel like they are never appeased.
I don't ask for help. I rely on the intuitive powers of those around me. I could make a shirt. "Ask me how I am." I think the common responses would be "fine" and "okay." Maybe.
It's not like I've had parents that could do this for me. The units of my family have never provided this need and have helped to cause distrust in letting other "adult" type people provide. Distrust is a word used lightly. It's also a sentiment that is in conflict with another part of me that leaves my doors unlocked and my windows down in my car when I go into the store. It's like I am drawn naturally to behave in one manner, but I have been taught something entirely different. Experience really is a mother fuck.
Randy has Metroid Prime on the cube and it's everything he'd hoped and more. I like watching. I can fall asleep apparently.
I don't ask for help. I rely on the intuitive powers of those around me. I could make a shirt. "Ask me how I am." I think the common responses would be "fine" and "okay." Maybe.
It's not like I've had parents that could do this for me. The units of my family have never provided this need and have helped to cause distrust in letting other "adult" type people provide. Distrust is a word used lightly. It's also a sentiment that is in conflict with another part of me that leaves my doors unlocked and my windows down in my car when I go into the store. It's like I am drawn naturally to behave in one manner, but I have been taught something entirely different. Experience really is a mother fuck.
Randy has Metroid Prime on the cube and it's everything he'd hoped and more. I like watching. I can fall asleep apparently.
Monday, November 11, 2002
Quirky Sidewalks 1.0
Copying material from word doc to here so I can have it handy on the web to edit and make changes... 'cause I'm too damn lazy to get a disk to put it on and transport it around.
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Quirky Sidewalks
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CHAPTER ONE======
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I make it a point to see my doctor at least once a month. Most people only go to the doctor if they think they’re sick which is completely the wrong way to go about it. If a doctor only examines you when at your worst, what do they have to compare to? What controlled example of your healthy self do they have? I figured this out in high school and with the exception of a few pesky vacations (taken by my doctors, not by me) I haven’t missed a month since.
“Do you have a rectal thermometer?” Staring at the large piece of equipment she was about to stick in my ear.
“A rectal thermometer?” she managed to get out of her mouth, displaying a quizzical expression. I thought for sure she knew what I was talking about but then realized by the look on her face that she hadn’t read my medical file. She was new to the office. In all my months at this office I had never seen her before. It wasn’t a good first impression that she hadn’t read the file. It made me want to be ugly toward her.
“Yes, a rectal THER-mo-METER. I don’t like things being stuck in my ear.” I began miming a circle with the thumb and index finger of my left hand, holding it out in front of me while using the index and middle finger of my right hand to push up through the bottom of the circle. “Rectal. You know. Up the butt.” She seemed thoroughly disgusted with my simple—yet crude—description and I knew that my work had been done. As I was about to further clarify the doctor walked into the room without knocking. (This one never knocked)
Doctor Gillian was probably in his early 60’s. It’s possible he was older than that, but the exquisite rows of hair transplants made the exact number hard to guess. If it weren’t for the age lines around his eyes, mouth, nose, forehead, neck and hands, I’d never know he was in his 60’s. I was referred to Dr. Gillian when my previous doctor, Dr. Bay, decided to retire early. He had been my fifth doctor in two years to retire early. Strange. Dr. Gillian had been my doctor now for the past year. I liked him because he was quirky. He had a peculiar way of breathing heavy while you were speaking. The breathing got louder when acknowledging symptoms; shallow when he looked down to write something in my file. Most people don’t like quirky in a doctor, but I think it’s an absolute requirement. I don’t trust anyone that is too confident—too perfect.
I didn’t know if I was going to be able to adapt to the not knocking on the door before walking in. The first office visit I let it go. The second visit it really bothered me so on the third visit I decided to make a game out of it. After the nurse left the room, I would turn the lights out then sit down on a chair and not the examining table. When he asked why the lights were turned off I told him I didn’t know why the nurse turned them off.
“That will be all, Bernice. I’ll take care of things from here.” Dr. Gillian took my file from her and began to sit down. I wouldn’t have thought her to be a Bernice. She struck me as a Kitty or Kathy. I’m usually very good at names. She glanced over at me before turning to leave. It was only a millisecond but I knew she thought I was crazy. I had done well.
“She didn’t read my file, Dr. G.”
“What are you in for today, Mack?” He called me, Mack, because that’s the name that I had put on my patient information sheet when I started with him. Going through so many doctors, it became monotonous putting my real information each time. What do they need to know your real name for? A name is only something that we use to put a placeholder in our brains with someone’s face. Mack was the first name that came to mind when I had to fill out paperwork for Dr. Gillian’s office. It was the name of the star in the last porn that I rented the day before starting with Dr. Gillian. Mack Packer. (Of course I changed the last name on the patient information sheet. I didn’t want them to think that it was a fake name or anything.)
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Quirky Sidewalks
================
================
CHAPTER ONE======
================
I make it a point to see my doctor at least once a month. Most people only go to the doctor if they think they’re sick which is completely the wrong way to go about it. If a doctor only examines you when at your worst, what do they have to compare to? What controlled example of your healthy self do they have? I figured this out in high school and with the exception of a few pesky vacations (taken by my doctors, not by me) I haven’t missed a month since.
“Do you have a rectal thermometer?” Staring at the large piece of equipment she was about to stick in my ear.
“A rectal thermometer?” she managed to get out of her mouth, displaying a quizzical expression. I thought for sure she knew what I was talking about but then realized by the look on her face that she hadn’t read my medical file. She was new to the office. In all my months at this office I had never seen her before. It wasn’t a good first impression that she hadn’t read the file. It made me want to be ugly toward her.
“Yes, a rectal THER-mo-METER. I don’t like things being stuck in my ear.” I began miming a circle with the thumb and index finger of my left hand, holding it out in front of me while using the index and middle finger of my right hand to push up through the bottom of the circle. “Rectal. You know. Up the butt.” She seemed thoroughly disgusted with my simple—yet crude—description and I knew that my work had been done. As I was about to further clarify the doctor walked into the room without knocking. (This one never knocked)
Doctor Gillian was probably in his early 60’s. It’s possible he was older than that, but the exquisite rows of hair transplants made the exact number hard to guess. If it weren’t for the age lines around his eyes, mouth, nose, forehead, neck and hands, I’d never know he was in his 60’s. I was referred to Dr. Gillian when my previous doctor, Dr. Bay, decided to retire early. He had been my fifth doctor in two years to retire early. Strange. Dr. Gillian had been my doctor now for the past year. I liked him because he was quirky. He had a peculiar way of breathing heavy while you were speaking. The breathing got louder when acknowledging symptoms; shallow when he looked down to write something in my file. Most people don’t like quirky in a doctor, but I think it’s an absolute requirement. I don’t trust anyone that is too confident—too perfect.
I didn’t know if I was going to be able to adapt to the not knocking on the door before walking in. The first office visit I let it go. The second visit it really bothered me so on the third visit I decided to make a game out of it. After the nurse left the room, I would turn the lights out then sit down on a chair and not the examining table. When he asked why the lights were turned off I told him I didn’t know why the nurse turned them off.
“That will be all, Bernice. I’ll take care of things from here.” Dr. Gillian took my file from her and began to sit down. I wouldn’t have thought her to be a Bernice. She struck me as a Kitty or Kathy. I’m usually very good at names. She glanced over at me before turning to leave. It was only a millisecond but I knew she thought I was crazy. I had done well.
“She didn’t read my file, Dr. G.”
“What are you in for today, Mack?” He called me, Mack, because that’s the name that I had put on my patient information sheet when I started with him. Going through so many doctors, it became monotonous putting my real information each time. What do they need to know your real name for? A name is only something that we use to put a placeholder in our brains with someone’s face. Mack was the first name that came to mind when I had to fill out paperwork for Dr. Gillian’s office. It was the name of the star in the last porn that I rented the day before starting with Dr. Gillian. Mack Packer. (Of course I changed the last name on the patient information sheet. I didn’t want them to think that it was a fake name or anything.)
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Saturday, November 02, 2002
prayer
The very thing that I wanted as a child may be developing. Hum drum. Mediocrity.
The people I work with. The environment is not academic. The soaring heights are not over matters of the heart, mind or soul. Money.
"You can be anything you want to be."
The people I work with. The environment is not academic. The soaring heights are not over matters of the heart, mind or soul. Money.
"You can be anything you want to be."
Friday, October 18, 2002
Pieces of Me
This car accident thing happend on Tuesday. What a way to spend your day off of work. All I wanted was the laundry to be done so that I could walk--unobstructed--to the bathroom. The carpet in the bedroom is so clean because it's had a protective layer of clothing for most of the many months we've lived here.****How do the dots of fate connect? Tuesday I was supposed to be working. Kristi & Jonathan got married because they met through DanceSafe. Would their paths have crossed had the chapter not been? I don't know the answers to these ponderings, but I do know that I'm driving a Dodge Neon instead of my Integra. Hmph!****Six months before time starts falling off my record at work. :::sigh:::****Haircut time****Tomorrow I'm looking forward to an afternoon at Art's condo laying video games and relaxing. My first Saturday off in a string.****Before the accident, I was listening to Jewel's "Pieces of You" album. I had never listened to it before and some of the songs were quite sad. One was about a couple growing old together, their love, their bond. I realized that besides my grandmother, I've never had to deal with the loss of another person. I've never had anyone that close to me before. I thought of Randy and instantly I was in tears. It was a cry that I hadn't had in a long while and needed. I felt better afterward and was in high spirits when the accident occurred. The other party's lack of acceptance of liability is disheartening. It's the darkening of the outline to a picture I don't like seeing.****I was just placed on hold while helping a rep and the hold music was from CUSCO. I recognized it immediately from one of their albums that I own. (Or used to) I was evening-dreaming of how I'm impatient and how that works in my realtionship with Randy; how that will work in the future. Going places, wanting to experience new things like travel, shows, driving with the top down and I don't have a top to put down.****Old man in my head. When does he stop fishing?****I think my veins are coming more to the surface of my skin. Maybe my skin is just not as dark anymore.****yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn... but not when I get home. Then I'm awake. My brain becomes mush and maybe it's because I prayed so hard for it when I was younger.****2hrs more of working.
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
I heart you
Lack of will or desire. The clock says 4:44. It means something. Nothing at all. Any moment he'll walk through that door in front of me.
And so he does. Love.
And so he does. Love.
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Kim's Letter
Mom came home early. VERY EARLY. I've been up since 5:30am because of the noise created when she arrived home.
I've decided to use my writing time today to respond to an e-mail from Kim. Here we go:
==========================
How cute. Adorable. Darling. Have you heard all of these descriptors in response to your children's pictures? I remember a time when we would make fun of people who doted on their kids in such a way, but it's an obvious inevitability when you love children so much. ((By the way, I do think the pictures have been precious. Please keep them coming.))
Were you getting postcards in the mail right up until a few days before the 10yr reunion? When I got mine I wondered what the turnout was going to be like if they were still advertising that late. Do you know of anyone who went? I've heard nothing about the Queen Mary rendezvous. Did anyone drown? Maybe I should e-mail Margaret for a re-cap.
I'm actually writing you from the "writing lab" here at school. I'm getting .5 units for spending 16 hours in here this semester. I originally signed up because my English professor was giving 1/2 a grade add-on for any papers that we wrote while "conferencing" with one of the writing lab instructors. I've subsequently dropped the English class, but the focused time alone here is nice for catching up on e-mail, keeping my journal entries and working on short stories, novel chapters, poetry. My writing still goes in spurts; nothing regularly produced. I've been meaning to write ever since the birth announcement. VOILA! Here it is. And I find myself wondering what I'm typing.
I think my delay has been that I'm never one for small talk. We had a small party at the apartment about a month ago and there were a lot of people who showed up that I didn't know. Randy is good at being social and "working the crowd" so to speak, whereas I'm keeping this partial fake smile on my face and nodding while I listen to inane details of their day. My anti-social veneer is more prevalent here at school. I have a morning class so most of the people are just coming out of high school. The conversations that I overhear! I know I'm old because I have that thought, "Did I talk like that when I was THAT age?" And it doesn't feel like that long ago to me. My mom says that it never will. She turns 50 this year and she expressed how even though she can see a difference in the mirror, inside she still feels young. So perhaps I'll always be a cynic inside. Always a little dreamer. Always part smart-ass.
So as we grow older, do you find that common "adult" conversations center around:
1) kids (or pets if people don't have kids)
2) careers
3) money (credit cards, home loans, buying homes, refinancing,cars, bikes boats...etc)
4) health (doctor visits, diseases, "that something that is going-around-the-office)
I can't escape one of these conversations in a day----OH, unless I partake in one that the 18yr olds are having here in class. Haha. But somehow the importance of regular jeans or faded jeans never really hit me as something I'd want to talk about. ((And still don't)) I came back to school to keep plugging away at and some where get up to near 120 units. I have 24. =) I'll have 29.5 at the end of this semester. Typing that right now even made a smile go across my face as I'm typing. It's funny how little I've done with education and how "full of promise" I was when receiving a high school diploma. I was discussing careers with Randy and I don't think there's anything that I WANT to do for any long period of time. I fear that teaching may be the same way. ((The running joke now is that by the time I get my B.A. I'll be retired and teaching will be something I do in my spare time.)) I took my CBEST test in April and passed. It was a joke. I haven't had a math class since Junior year with Ledvorowski and I'm taking College Alegebra right now. It's a M-Th class. I show up once a week just to let the professor know I'm still there and the material all feels like review. It's amazing what I remember. And each time I remember, I still have that secondary thought, "WHEN IN REAL LIFE AM I EVER GOING TO USE THIS SHIT?!" I think having experienced 10 years of real life now I'm justified whereas in high school I was just bewildered with the prospect of more homework.
Rant rant rant...
I hope you're staying healthy(4) and that your kids are well(1). When do you go back to work(2)? Back already? Hmm....I didn't ask about money(3), but some people are weird about that stuff, I've learned. ((So it's impolite to ask...))
SERIOUSLY. You stay in my thoughts. I'm glad you're doing well.
love ALL-ways,
j.r.me
I've decided to use my writing time today to respond to an e-mail from Kim. Here we go:
==========================
How cute. Adorable. Darling. Have you heard all of these descriptors in response to your children's pictures? I remember a time when we would make fun of people who doted on their kids in such a way, but it's an obvious inevitability when you love children so much. ((By the way, I do think the pictures have been precious. Please keep them coming.))
Were you getting postcards in the mail right up until a few days before the 10yr reunion? When I got mine I wondered what the turnout was going to be like if they were still advertising that late. Do you know of anyone who went? I've heard nothing about the Queen Mary rendezvous. Did anyone drown? Maybe I should e-mail Margaret for a re-cap.
I'm actually writing you from the "writing lab" here at school. I'm getting .5 units for spending 16 hours in here this semester. I originally signed up because my English professor was giving 1/2 a grade add-on for any papers that we wrote while "conferencing" with one of the writing lab instructors. I've subsequently dropped the English class, but the focused time alone here is nice for catching up on e-mail, keeping my journal entries and working on short stories, novel chapters, poetry. My writing still goes in spurts; nothing regularly produced. I've been meaning to write ever since the birth announcement. VOILA! Here it is. And I find myself wondering what I'm typing.
I think my delay has been that I'm never one for small talk. We had a small party at the apartment about a month ago and there were a lot of people who showed up that I didn't know. Randy is good at being social and "working the crowd" so to speak, whereas I'm keeping this partial fake smile on my face and nodding while I listen to inane details of their day. My anti-social veneer is more prevalent here at school. I have a morning class so most of the people are just coming out of high school. The conversations that I overhear! I know I'm old because I have that thought, "Did I talk like that when I was THAT age?" And it doesn't feel like that long ago to me. My mom says that it never will. She turns 50 this year and she expressed how even though she can see a difference in the mirror, inside she still feels young. So perhaps I'll always be a cynic inside. Always a little dreamer. Always part smart-ass.
So as we grow older, do you find that common "adult" conversations center around:
1) kids (or pets if people don't have kids)
2) careers
3) money (credit cards, home loans, buying homes, refinancing,cars, bikes boats...etc)
4) health (doctor visits, diseases, "that something that is going-around-the-office)
I can't escape one of these conversations in a day----OH, unless I partake in one that the 18yr olds are having here in class. Haha. But somehow the importance of regular jeans or faded jeans never really hit me as something I'd want to talk about. ((And still don't)) I came back to school to keep plugging away at and some where get up to near 120 units. I have 24. =) I'll have 29.5 at the end of this semester. Typing that right now even made a smile go across my face as I'm typing. It's funny how little I've done with education and how "full of promise" I was when receiving a high school diploma. I was discussing careers with Randy and I don't think there's anything that I WANT to do for any long period of time. I fear that teaching may be the same way. ((The running joke now is that by the time I get my B.A. I'll be retired and teaching will be something I do in my spare time.)) I took my CBEST test in April and passed. It was a joke. I haven't had a math class since Junior year with Ledvorowski and I'm taking College Alegebra right now. It's a M-Th class. I show up once a week just to let the professor know I'm still there and the material all feels like review. It's amazing what I remember. And each time I remember, I still have that secondary thought, "WHEN IN REAL LIFE AM I EVER GOING TO USE THIS SHIT?!" I think having experienced 10 years of real life now I'm justified whereas in high school I was just bewildered with the prospect of more homework.
Rant rant rant...
I hope you're staying healthy(4) and that your kids are well(1). When do you go back to work(2)? Back already? Hmm....I didn't ask about money(3), but some people are weird about that stuff, I've learned. ((So it's impolite to ask...))
SERIOUSLY. You stay in my thoughts. I'm glad you're doing well.
love ALL-ways,
j.r.me
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Writing Lab 1
***here's laughter. I just spent the last 20 minutes writing an entry and knew I hadn't saved it when I clicked on EDIT YOUR PROFILE. I could kick myself***
I enrolled in this "Writing Conference" class. You put in 16 hours of "conference" time at this lab I'm sitting in and the school rewards you with .5units and the word PASS on your transcript. You don't even have to actually "conference" with an instructor--as proven by this solitary act of using the online computers to journal my thoughts. I originally enrolled because my English instructor noted anyone taking the conference class and using the tools/instructors to write an essay would get 1/2 grade higher on any paper turned in. It turns out that I didn't want to READ & WRITE this semester so I dropped the English class but I kept this one. Part of me figures that it's a good opportunity to try and focus on some of my own writing projects. Will I?
In the last week, I wrote two more songs for Closer To Legal, "Darwin" and "That Way." That brings the total up to three, four if I can work the you last entry into something workable. Is this another dream of mine that will never drip ripe its fruition? I dare not quash the small endeavors that keep my fire alive inside. SAVE POINT UNO (I'm getting smart this time.) Randy & I are staying at my mom's house until next Wednesday. She and Jim have driven up to Seattle to visit Grandpa & Grandma Jean. Sarah is in her second week of high school. A Freshman. So grown up, so young still. She has so much insecurity and yet I can see the woman beginning to form opinions with her Hot Topic t-shirt reading "Prom Is Dumb" and her star shot shoelaces. It's nice having a washer/dryer so accessible. I miss this part of domestic living. I don't miss the clutter that my mom seems to collect everywhere. I don't miss the animals and the hair they leave everywhere, nor cleaning up the "messes" they make. It will be a different week for us and I'm sure we'll both be glad to be in our own bed just as fast as we can. Yesterday I took Sarah to a doctor appointment. Randy accompanied us. I liked that hey came. We grow more and more domestic as the months pass. Soon my birthday will be here and two years will have graced us. (As we gracefully fell back to the arms of grace--haha) We all walked into the waiting room of the doctor's office and found it to be quite full. Noise. Kids running. Noise. Parents calling. Noise. Nurses calling. Noise noise noise noise. I want kids? We sat down and there was the table in front of us with magazines, kiddie books. A man was talking to a little girl on the other side of the table. It wasn't odd at first, but I noticed that he had his feet on the table, elevated, resting, as if it were an ottoman(sp?) at home. When I glanced again, I could see that he wasn't wearing any shoes and his bare feet were on the magazines AND one foot wasn't regular color. It was Orange with green spots. I looked at Randy and psychically we exchanged the same thought. (His was auidbly louder than mine.) Sarah soon saw and was trying not to laugh. The man and girl eventually left. We began talking about it and laughed. I picked up the magazine that his foot was resting on and put it on Randy's lap. With no volume control, his immediate reaction was, "JESUS CHRIST! His foot was on that." Sarah and I laughed like only siblings or great friends can. SAVE POINT DOS On the way over to this lab/center, I passed the main courtyard and the mobile coffehouse cart. In the year that I've been coming here the cart has never been worked by anything other than boys. Not just boys but ONLY CUTE BOYS. I have concluded that the owner of the coffeshop is gay and he hand picks the boys to staff the cart. I KNOW this. =) Now I'll let this fantasy play out for a while and then maybe share it with Bobby at some point where we will mutually figure out the truth. My time has ended. Two hours down, 14 more to go. Ahh....where will the semester take me?
I enrolled in this "Writing Conference" class. You put in 16 hours of "conference" time at this lab I'm sitting in and the school rewards you with .5units and the word PASS on your transcript. You don't even have to actually "conference" with an instructor--as proven by this solitary act of using the online computers to journal my thoughts. I originally enrolled because my English instructor noted anyone taking the conference class and using the tools/instructors to write an essay would get 1/2 grade higher on any paper turned in. It turns out that I didn't want to READ & WRITE this semester so I dropped the English class but I kept this one. Part of me figures that it's a good opportunity to try and focus on some of my own writing projects. Will I?
In the last week, I wrote two more songs for Closer To Legal, "Darwin" and "That Way." That brings the total up to three, four if I can work the you last entry into something workable. Is this another dream of mine that will never drip ripe its fruition? I dare not quash the small endeavors that keep my fire alive inside. SAVE POINT UNO (I'm getting smart this time.) Randy & I are staying at my mom's house until next Wednesday. She and Jim have driven up to Seattle to visit Grandpa & Grandma Jean. Sarah is in her second week of high school. A Freshman. So grown up, so young still. She has so much insecurity and yet I can see the woman beginning to form opinions with her Hot Topic t-shirt reading "Prom Is Dumb" and her star shot shoelaces. It's nice having a washer/dryer so accessible. I miss this part of domestic living. I don't miss the clutter that my mom seems to collect everywhere. I don't miss the animals and the hair they leave everywhere, nor cleaning up the "messes" they make. It will be a different week for us and I'm sure we'll both be glad to be in our own bed just as fast as we can. Yesterday I took Sarah to a doctor appointment. Randy accompanied us. I liked that hey came. We grow more and more domestic as the months pass. Soon my birthday will be here and two years will have graced us. (As we gracefully fell back to the arms of grace--haha) We all walked into the waiting room of the doctor's office and found it to be quite full. Noise. Kids running. Noise. Parents calling. Noise. Nurses calling. Noise noise noise noise. I want kids? We sat down and there was the table in front of us with magazines, kiddie books. A man was talking to a little girl on the other side of the table. It wasn't odd at first, but I noticed that he had his feet on the table, elevated, resting, as if it were an ottoman(sp?) at home. When I glanced again, I could see that he wasn't wearing any shoes and his bare feet were on the magazines AND one foot wasn't regular color. It was Orange with green spots. I looked at Randy and psychically we exchanged the same thought. (His was auidbly louder than mine.) Sarah soon saw and was trying not to laugh. The man and girl eventually left. We began talking about it and laughed. I picked up the magazine that his foot was resting on and put it on Randy's lap. With no volume control, his immediate reaction was, "JESUS CHRIST! His foot was on that." Sarah and I laughed like only siblings or great friends can. SAVE POINT DOS On the way over to this lab/center, I passed the main courtyard and the mobile coffehouse cart. In the year that I've been coming here the cart has never been worked by anything other than boys. Not just boys but ONLY CUTE BOYS. I have concluded that the owner of the coffeshop is gay and he hand picks the boys to staff the cart. I KNOW this. =) Now I'll let this fantasy play out for a while and then maybe share it with Bobby at some point where we will mutually figure out the truth. My time has ended. Two hours down, 14 more to go. Ahh....where will the semester take me?
