Quirky Sidewalks 1.0

Copying material from word doc to here so I can have it handy on the web to edit and make changes... 'cause I'm too damn lazy to get a disk to put it on and transport it around.
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Quirky Sidewalks
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CHAPTER ONE======
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I make it a point to see my doctor at least once a month. Most people only go to the doctor if they think they’re sick which is completely the wrong way to go about it. If a doctor only examines you when at your worst, what do they have to compare to? What controlled example of your healthy self do they have? I figured this out in high school and with the exception of a few pesky vacations (taken by my doctors, not by me) I haven’t missed a month since.

“Do you have a rectal thermometer?” Staring at the large piece of equipment she was about to stick in my ear.

“A rectal thermometer?” she managed to get out of her mouth, displaying a quizzical expression. I thought for sure she knew what I was talking about but then realized by the look on her face that she hadn’t read my medical file. She was new to the office. In all my months at this office I had never seen her before. It wasn’t a good first impression that she hadn’t read the file. It made me want to be ugly toward her.

“Yes, a rectal THER-mo-METER. I don’t like things being stuck in my ear.” I began miming a circle with the thumb and index finger of my left hand, holding it out in front of me while using the index and middle finger of my right hand to push up through the bottom of the circle. “Rectal. You know. Up the butt.” She seemed thoroughly disgusted with my simple—yet crude—description and I knew that my work had been done. As I was about to further clarify the doctor walked into the room without knocking. (This one never knocked)

Doctor Gillian was probably in his early 60’s. It’s possible he was older than that, but the exquisite rows of hair transplants made the exact number hard to guess. If it weren’t for the age lines around his eyes, mouth, nose, forehead, neck and hands, I’d never know he was in his 60’s. I was referred to Dr. Gillian when my previous doctor, Dr. Bay, decided to retire early. He had been my fifth doctor in two years to retire early. Strange. Dr. Gillian had been my doctor now for the past year. I liked him because he was quirky. He had a peculiar way of breathing heavy while you were speaking. The breathing got louder when acknowledging symptoms; shallow when he looked down to write something in my file. Most people don’t like quirky in a doctor, but I think it’s an absolute requirement. I don’t trust anyone that is too confident—too perfect.

I didn’t know if I was going to be able to adapt to the not knocking on the door before walking in. The first office visit I let it go. The second visit it really bothered me so on the third visit I decided to make a game out of it. After the nurse left the room, I would turn the lights out then sit down on a chair and not the examining table. When he asked why the lights were turned off I told him I didn’t know why the nurse turned them off.

“That will be all, Bernice. I’ll take care of things from here.” Dr. Gillian took my file from her and began to sit down. I wouldn’t have thought her to be a Bernice. She struck me as a Kitty or Kathy. I’m usually very good at names. She glanced over at me before turning to leave. It was only a millisecond but I knew she thought I was crazy. I had done well.

“She didn’t read my file, Dr. G.”

“What are you in for today, Mack?” He called me, Mack, because that’s the name that I had put on my patient information sheet when I started with him. Going through so many doctors, it became monotonous putting my real information each time. What do they need to know your real name for? A name is only something that we use to put a placeholder in our brains with someone’s face. Mack was the first name that came to mind when I had to fill out paperwork for Dr. Gillian’s office. It was the name of the star in the last porn that I rented the day before starting with Dr. Gillian. Mack Packer. (Of course I changed the last name on the patient information sheet. I didn’t want them to think that it was a fake name or anything.)
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