Quashing Quagmire

At the core is always going to be what was forged in pain and hurt and no matter how much I have learned to hide that or to cope and absorb instinct and translate it into something civil, there is no way to keep this hidden 100% of the time.

It's been bothering me--my actions Sunday Night. There are many things about other people that I know and keep private because they've asked me to, or because I know without words that it should be private. Exposing Eddy's voice mail to a room full of people didn't really fall in either of those categories now that I think about it. We're talking about a person who talks about each conquest in open rooms like nothing. In his own social circles, he's known for his ability to "make the rounds."

One part of me thinks, it was simply funny. It was a small party. I was laughing, I got Rey to laugh and so might others. Part of me thinks that I did it out of a sense of teaching a lesson... but what lesson? Part of me thinks that there is a built up anger inside of me in watching the whining but seeing the blueprint from which all woes spring. Part of me says that I must remember to accept my friends for who they are and not the potential that I see inside of them to be. This is a mistake that I have follied in the past with my relationships and to a lesser degree with friendships. It's the part of me that cares about people so much that I want them to bloom and not fall into their own gloom. Part of me thinks that I was jealous and that a childish streak lashed out. Part of me thinks that I have been keeping a lid on myself too long and he was just the random person who got hit when the lid burst open for a moment.

Is there more? Of course... my head is never empty and these pages are never full.