Pastels in White

Eddy is trying so hard to get me to go to the White Party next weekend. No matter how many times I tell him, "no" or explain my reasons for not wanting to go, he keeps asking. It's his fatal personality flaw--not knowing when to stop.

As it turns out, I'm not going to have next Saturday night off because the shift bid change isn't going to take effect until the end of April. Figures. But even if I did have the night off, I wasn't going to pay $100 to goto the White Party. It's like one big massive rave and we all know how I prefer smaller parties to larger ones. Or how I "preferred" them. When I attended the White Party in 2003 sober, I was reminded how much I wanted more than just another party. The groves of people were just ridiculous. People weren't even really dancing on the football-size dance floor, but rather, swaying back and forth; droning music of the after hours type...nothing like the trance that I am most attracted to. A good song here and there, but nothing sustaining. Even the year before when I went to the closing party in 2002 I remember the real fun being that I was with friends and still very much enamored with the whole party scene. Ali drove us that year and he was the sober one. He remarked on how "normal" I appeared in contrast to everyone else rolling their asses off. I told him that's just how I am.

I encourage Eddy to go and experience the festivities because you have to try something to know where you stand on it. (most of the time) It's an event that I think every curious gay male should try attending at least once. Even if you've been to circuit parties elsewhere, it's the Big Kahuna of them all here on the West Coast and it's one of those life markers when you're having a conversation and you can chime in with, "When I went to the White Party..."

He's gotten Rey to agree to go with him. That's such a strange friendship to watch on again and off again. I've always been so rigid with people when it comes to my friendships. There hasn't been a lot of "teeter-totter" antics with them. I remember when I found out that Dean had slept with Danny how easily I dropped him and never looked back. I think I've been that way consistently. With the things that the two of them have endured I wonder if it's true forgiveness or simply blind codependence that keeps everything alive. (or both)


3:00am
As I'm writing... Randy (mine) calls and I see the number on the screen of my phone and this debate starts on whether to answer or not. It's funny, because the phone number comes up on my screen and not his name because his contact information is no longer in my phone. I answer and can tell he has background noise. I really can't talk and we agree to talk later.