Countdown to my vacation in Seattle. I'm so looking forward to spending some time away in a land of my early childhood and with a friend from my early adulthood. There it is...that gruesome word: adulthood.
Over the weekend I got to touch death and relationships. Tyler expressed his desire to take our dating to another level, but I'm not comfortable with that. I'm still getting to know him as a person and though there is much I like about him, there is more unknown than known. My feeling is that the time I know that is necessary to get to know someone is an eternity at eighteen. I also know that I'm not eighteen and conversations are making that more apparent.
Cardwell asked me if my reluctance with Tyler had anything to do with me still holding out on relationships from not wanting to get hurt. It's a valid question, but that's not what I feel here. I truly just want to feel like someone's friend before I dive into what I had before. Repeating myself here would just be plain, "ignunt!"
Cardwell also sent me an e-mail here at work not too long ago bringing me up to date on the drunk status of Eddy & Rey. I responded quite simply with, "I'm over it." ((And I am)) Billy's death on Sunday was a clear sign of caution. It's a moment in time to take pause and count the things that are important in life and take stock of what it is that makes us beautiful and what can kill us--immediately or slowly over time. I cannot watch them continue to throw their lives to chance. I can only sit this one out, along the sideline of my own chances. Riverside coroner's file# 2004-2367.
In people's faces I see the lights that never dim; I see the shadows that will never leave.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The daily jazz of my mind, as pure & honest as possible; but know that words are themselves filters of the original thought/idea.
