Blogging Around

Your mind can play tricks on you---so wouldn't that just be YOU playing tricks with YOU? I woke up at some point in the middle of the night and although I knew I was awake, there was something in the corner of my bedroom--near the ceiling--that made me do a double & triple take.... I was squinting, but it seriously looked like there was an obersvation window in my room. Something similar to the beginning of Space Mountain at Disneyland where you're facing the people in the "control room" area. I looked to my right (my side..hehe) and saw Paul sleeping. I looked back up to the ceiling and there seemed to be shadows of people moving. It bothered me that I knew I was awake and couldn't make out what was really going on.

This morning when I looked at the ceiling, I laughed... The smoke detector has a green light on it. In my groggy state, my eyes would've been blurry and somehow I made the starbursting light into a window. So why would the trick I play on myself be one of someone observing me? I know it's because I feel that this is what's going on with people thinking about Paul and me. Simply for the fact that we have people we know in common. If we were two strangers, the general feeling would be that of interest from friends wanting to get to know the person that we're interested in, but because most of these people already know that information, now it's just a sense that they're trying to figure out if we make a good pair, how long would it last, blah blah... the typical faggy things that make gossip & soccer mom chats. And yet we love them for it all.

The last 24-36 hours with Paul were a perfect expression and exchange of where and who I like being. He got to see me with my friends, see me drunk, see me by myself, see me in panic mode with my lost keys, see me in deep thought mode, lay in silence watching Pulp Fiction, kiss and heat up with the window cracked to cool me down. He's been exposed to my meds and the history behind them. (Accompanying me to a psyche appointment nonetheless...lol) I'm learning more and more about the "women" of his life and the pathways that make Paul. I'm happy with our pacing. I realize I'm in "infatuation territory" but rather than analyze that, I'm simply just enjoying it. yay.

My car has been totalled. At 2:30pm today I'll be at the Progressive Insurancce office to claim my check for approximately $3,600.00. Total payout: $11,359.62 or which $7,719.00 was paid directly to Chase Bank for my loan amount. After weighing my options for the last week, I've decided to get a motorcycle and forgo another car payment right now. I've already changed my vehicle insurance policy to just follow me as a driver for liability and no specific car. I'm waiting to hear about a safety training course to take and also hear back from people regarding bike (motorcycle) info. In the interim with no vehicle and no motorcycle license, I'll be using Chuck's mountain bike to commute the 3.6 miles to and from work. :-)

It's gray outside. Very gray. Noon.