A friend sent me this for Easter:
http://www.jekyl.com/jekyl/gallery/Easter.jpg

I've been removed from writing because I've been that down I haven't even the desire to try and clear my thoughts.

Still no connections. Nothing feels tangible. I feel no drive. I remember what it feels like. That's frustrating. Maybe somewhat like a stroke victim.....having an active memory of something but no way of activating it again.

On Saturday--before leaving for the White Party--I spent some time at the old apartment with Randy. I had to pick up a few last things. The apartment was barren. We were both looking for things to make the stay longer and I finally had to force myself to go.

On Sunday--after returning home from the White Party--I received a call from Randy while he was clearning up the old apartment. My work phone time says 22:22 right now. He asked if we could have dinner and in my heart I said yes and in my head I said no and the outward result was silence before I responded. Am I ready for a dinner? You never know until you try.

Four minutes until I'm outta here. Driving to Long Beach to say goodbye to Ian. I deleted all the porn off my computer today because it's so hard to find. I thought maybe this would get me to do other things. Problem is, the computer is still there with a connection to the internet.

Mamma's Day Brunch is finally coming together. I have ideas. I have stories. I have pictures in my head.