Passages

Back from Del Taco, my lunchtime getaway from customer service. I've found that my tolerance level has been greatly increased tonight. I haven't been short at all. I even found some nice inflection in my voice on one call. I don't know what that was about. It sounded completely foreign.

Wrote a check out to the City of Long Beach for my parking violation. Because street sweeping is an essential function and money-maker for a city.

I'm reading. Yes, reading. "Lies My Teacher Told Me" by James W. Loewen. I used to own the hardcover book, but somewhere along the years it got lent to someone and I never got it back. I ordered this paperback copy on Amazon.com. I also ordered, "A People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn. I'm taking History 20--American History this semester so I thought I might get in the mood to read some additional material. I'm finally reading for understanding rather than just to be able to regurgitate content. Somehow, I still feel that the factoids will just remain as random trivia that I retain until senility kicks in. Go Ginko!

Randy and I had a short conversation before I left for work. I expressed my anger over the years and defined betrayal. I assessed blame only to the annoying end of him not being able to end things when he knew he didn't want to continue. I confessed to reading his journal entries from the beginning of our relationship until last week. It was painful. It made me cry a lot. It also made me see that there was no reason to continue with this relationship. It confirmed what I already knew intellectually, but did not want to accept emotionally. There's still such a huge cloud of emotion that hasn't moved on yet.

Be honest. Forward. Myself. The Fantasy Island greeting comes to mind. "Smiles everyone, smiles."