Bobby, Mark, Randy C. and I went to Montage last night. I parked my car in the carport at 5am. My legs still feel the "settling" sensation of a night full of dancing. It's mostly in my calves and thighs; the two places I dance from.
When I got home all I wanted to do was cuddle up with Randy. I had expected his car to be in the carport, so I knew he wasn't home when I parked. He was still out with Brian.
A few entries back I felt something but I didn't know what. I'm still not certain what that feeling is/was. I had this sense that Randy would do some type of drug last night because I was going to. Well, not BECAUSE I was doing it, but there was a sense nonetheless. Turns out he did E. Earlier in our relationship we discussed only doing this together, but I believe I asserted that I didn't think we needed to have "permission" from each other to do it; that I trusted him and I expected the same. Come to think of it, I believe this came up when Nathan forced the issue that they had done crystal together.
The word on my phone is COMMUNICATE. It's become such an ordinary piece that I don't even see the word most days. I sense fear. I sense that there are things I don't know because we don't talk about them and we don't talk about them because of some type of fear.
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The daily jazz of my mind, as pure & honest as possible; but know that words are themselves filters of the original thought/idea.
