Sand (On The Beach)

BE.

Sounds of familiarity breeds comfort. I remember advice about pushing one's self beyond my comfort zone in order to grow. This holds in line with the idea that we are always growing and changing and similarly that if we are not...that somehow we are stagnant in contentment. Another point of view is that attaining a level of contentment and maintaining is the ultimate goal to achieve and that continuing change for change's sake is a way of clouding ones' life. All of it is nonsense in the end, for whether I die in contentment or on a rung of the growing ladder, I've died and it's over. Whatever bits of wisdom I have passed along ultimately are lost or passed on. Hmm... such a down thought. But enjoy. Always enjoy---being fatalistic just serves to be dead already.
*****
*****
THE MORNING PARTY @ Laguna's West Beach. I've put myself in this environment because I'm scared right now. I've been talking with Lanny (e-mail) and feelings that won't go away are pressing harder into consciousness. So here I am, surrounded by throngs of bodies, sex lacing each ocean breeze, and a party to wrap it all up. Not even being here can really help to escape. I know that. This illusion isn't much of one when another part of the brain is insistent on being honest with myself.

What am I to do? One foot in heaven and the other in the grave. These angels flailing all around me. The sailboat goes by and I look for my own wind.