Burping

A week ago I interviewed for a position in the Marketing Department and yesterday after lunch I was notified that I got it. =) I also bought a new car on Sunday.

So much can happen in such a short time. And...little can happen over a long period of time. I tend to think that there is no real rhyme or reason. Yes, I took actions to get the job & the car....but I could have just as easily taken action and nothing happen. I've also sat by before and waited for something to happen...and it did.

I'm broken, as Lanny would say. Maybe that's accurate. I was asked last night why I was single. I laughed. I joked. Ultimately, I said, "I'm single because I'm difficult, so I guess in a round about way it's by choice." I am difficult....but more than that I'm "shifty." (Perhaps not the definition that you're thinking of right now or the real definition of the word at all.) I'm shifty in my moods. Today I will be very passionate about something and tomorrow it's commonplace. I've not lost interests in whatever that is, but I surely have not done anything to show interest necessarily.

Last Thursday I told Art that I would buy a new car and drive to Florida to live. Yesterday I decided that he can drive here. I think that neither one of us can really leave our environments. I think that each of us does love each other. I want myself to find complete happiness and I want him to find that too. I want to find it here. And that's the decision of the day. (Which makes visiting painful.)

And what of the boy that I think I described in a previous entry as "not being able to give me what I need..." (I think I said that. I don't think he's in any better position than before, but I'm still there in my head. Sucks. It sucks... it does.

I look back on the acid trip and I see the child at play. The mouse that I use is one that Steve gave me and is a little car, like a kid's car. I need to find more ways to exercise this child out. I've been doing a lot of good for myself lately. I also have to be careful not to let the child out too much...haha. There is that thing about balance.

Lunch Time. hmm... yeah

j.r.me