Candy Flip

I'm amazed that I'm still awake... Shortly, I must grant my body's request for sleep as ignoring it would be most stupid and irresponsible.

Last night (Thursday Night) I went out dancing at Rage w/Nathan. Earlier in the night there was a candy purchase wherein I was given a free "smurf" paper tab to try for my first experience. The tab was placed in the plastic baggy with the candy.

About 12:30, we retreated to my car to rest a moment and Nathan halfed a "TT". The other half was placed back in the baggy. I decided, "Why the hell not?" and asked for the other half. As I put it in my mouth, I felt more than just the E....there was the tab of acid on my tongue as well!!! A quick panic feeling went through me and then the calm that I previously felt when renting a U-Haul with Lanny to take care of jeep breakdown crisis in Alabama. I figured that there was nothing I could do, so I had better put myself in a good mindframe to start whatever journey should lie in store.

I took the blue stuffed animal keychain that Sarah had given me off of my dashboard and put it around my finger to have near me for the rest of the night. I believe this had the effect that I wanted because I felt quite secure.

Rage promptly closed around 1:45 and I had not yet experienced anything different, but then as we started to walk out of the building, the RAGE sign underneath the DJ booth began to change shape. It was very subtle, but noticeable. Nathan & I proceeded to Vons and I began to become fascinated by the most whimsical thoughts. I defintely saw the childlike impulses that I so often hide away begin to show. One, was grabbing folding chairs off of the shelf display and setting it down in the aisle to sit on. I was quite content to remain there for several minutes without speaking and just staring into nothingness. Swirls and thoughts passing in and out of my head; like watching a movie where the frames are not continuous but rather jumping from scene to scene.

After my "Alice in Wonderland" moment of sitting on the chair that seemed so small, we proceeded to SPIKE. It's here that everything began to take complete shape. My natural ability to vibe people's character, enhanced already by the E was now brought to a new level by peering at people's faces. Nathan's face was not surprisingly very bright and almost "angelic." A very positive and clear complexion each time I would take a moment to focus on him. In contrast, a boy who I have seen many times at Rage, always dancing in a "group" of boys in quite a sexual manner, donned a quite different visage. My instinct has always told me that he had an underlying "bad boy" or "trouble label" associated with him. When I felt his eyes on me and I stared back, I could see every vein & capillary in his face. Dark, purple & black lines, giving him a quite evil appearance. It was not scary at all, just revealing. As could be expected, the lack of control was unsettling for me toward the end of the night. Each time I would sit, I felt small...like a child in an oversized chair. This same feeling ensued when getting into my passenger seat for the drive home. Unlike E, where I can sober myself in a matter of seconds if I need to think clearly, tripping is a ride that you wait until you're brain is finished. This obviously tackles my control issues. I look at my hands again....how old they are becomming still. j.r.me