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YOUR LOVE IS LIKE A DRUG
Bananarama


I can't believe the way that I feel
Whenever I'm with you
Don't make me wait
My body aches
I want to get next to you

You can Tease me, Feel me, make me want you on me
You can Spin me, Groove me, let your rhythm rock me (4x)


CHORUS:
Your love is like a drug
And every time you leave me wanting more
Your love is like a drug
And everywhere you touch
You never get enough (Rhythm)
(Let Your Rhythm Rock Me)


I can't escape
And I can't explain
The thoughts that I have of you.

You're on my mind
day and night
and nobody else will do.

I've been Taken, Shaken, never want to leave you
Do you Understand the reason why I need you (....rhythm rock me)

CHORUS

You can tease me, feel me, make me want you on me
You can spin me, groove me, let your rhythm rock me (x 4)

CHORUS

Saints Say....

Just random stuff I wrote today.....

+++++++++++++++++++
I remember the warmth
of kisses and cuddles
But much of it seems like
a dream now.
Those memories
are overrun with office
phones
missing tones
+++++++++++++++++++

Sailing -
"Oh the candles can do
miracles...."
-Christopher Cross

+++++++++++++++++++

I am bleeding through the gauze and bandages

+++++++++++++++++++

I AM COLD
BUT NOT NUMB
IN THE PUBLIC

+++++++++++++++++++

If I am the withered leaf,
then you are the branch that won't let go.
The roots have already forgotten me,
Why can't you?

+++++++++++++++++++

Chosty Frosty

What makes him a good father is probably what adds to his likability as a manager. My Dream Dinner's boss took off a little early tonight to be with his family.

I had two interviews for a new position at the day job this week. I ended up not getting it and I'm neither extremely upset nor glad that I wasn't selected. I'm in some middle space between, "the extra money would have been nice" and "Phew, I'm not going to be in that next tax bracket."

I'm craving ice cream. That's probably a sign of something deeply rooted that I'm not dealing with. I can see myself eating the whole half gallon. Who decided that ice cream would come in 1/2 gallon and pint sizes? (Yea, and some quart sizes)


Love this.

Grandma's Day

Apparently last week it was Grandma's Day in France. Nick was over and had to call his grandmothers. It was cute. Even without understanding the exchange of words, there is tone, inflection & pause that conveys emotion within the exchange of conversation.

Today in 1993 my grandmother passed away. It was the first corporeal loss I ever had to deal with. A piece of me has been absent all this time and I've filled that empty spot with many other wonderful people that do her justice in her place. I will never know her as an adult. I can never analyze her as I would my mother or other relatives now that I can step outside of the family shelter and gaze with eyes of the world. I think the perfect picture that I keep is sometimes my only experience of unconditional love. She set a very high bar for anyone that I would choose to settle down with for any extended period of time. But until I find that level of safety in someone, I will continue to fill my emptiness with memories of the dear ones that I have in my life now.

I had a nice talk with Randy on the phone yesterday afternoon between jobs. I still don't feel "normal" between us and I don't know a way to put that in words at this time. ((Use psychic energy to draw upon my thoughts now)) [[Oh, you can't? C'mon, don't wait a millennium for evolution to grab you....sheesh]] Nathan will be here later tonight. A play with friends tomorrow evening. A day of rest on Sunday.

I breathe in a vacuum in the hope that I might not need this air anymore.

Adventureland

A long, long time ago I climbed out a window and in doing so placed the palm of my hand on a nail that was sticking up. I might have been three or four. I've always been up for an adventure. I was telling Justin tonight that I didn't really have any "me" time today. The closest I will come is when I close my eyes in a few minutes and allow my unconscious mind to assert itself over my physiology.

I think I'm looking for my next adventure. Or am I already engaged in it?

The Adventures of Sssssay & JayPee

Laughter. So much laughter. There is no beginning and no ending. Abs are the byproduct of making up voices and imitating people.

More to come.... more love to share.

The Cost of A Blue Ball

Up the elevator from lunch a conversation develops regarding land development for hotels in Costa Rica. A man who is well manicured and confident in a sales type of way explains where the hot property is down there while another man who works for Marriot joins the conversation about this particular company's plans in the region.

Ownership rights of property & people is still of such importance to we ants of the blue ball.

Distractions

I thought about having some green tea. Jasmine green tea. Instead, I have a strong desire to go to Albertsons and get some juice. As I think about this for just a few seconds I see Boston Legal on TV and watch the opening scene which makes me laugh so I sit here a few minutes longer. I turn off the chat program that has friends looming under categories so that I'm not side-tracked too much from going the store and finally find myself here writing about it.

Tomorrow. Wednesday. I will have an hour of talking where I will attempt to unlock, clarify, understand. Is it just a game to play with one's self? Another way that I can focus energy on one thing instead of another. Is this the pattern that I follow to keep me going these days? It certainly isn't the clutching of pillows instead of heat.....

a memory:
It was last Tuesday and I was home from work. Safe and comfortable in bed, looking out the window to blue skies and rain pelting on the window.

Two Drops

I've welled up with tears a couple times today. It wasn't sadness that brought them on, but it was definitely two very distinctly different emotions. The first time was earlier after re-arranging my room and I put a song on that I downloaded after finding it on Peep's MySpace page. It was playing and I was looking around my room thinking of hand prints on walls and pursuing goals and family. It all swirled together. Hopeful thoughts, happy thoughts and unsure thoughts. The second time was about an hour or so ago when I listened to a message on my voice mail from Nathan. He took a step on to a new road this evening and I was so glad to hear his choice.

I'm steered by subconscious signals while seeing with conscious eyes, but only my unconscious is truly aware of what is going on.

My Wishes

Nothing too specific.

I always want the best for people. I want smiles on children and moments of pause for those who feel they're being weighted by too many stresses. I want my friends to harmonize and my family to flow. I want love in droves with an ocean's equal returning it. I want people like Arturo, Tyler, Lanny, Randy, Joshua and Jorge to remember with smiles our times as I do and I hope to know them for many years to come. I want my sister to be the woman she doesn't even know she's capable of yet and my brothers to be the fathers that they never had. I want contentment in what I have and curiosity in what could be. I never want myself to let pain become so dull that it's accepted as part of everyday living.

I want you to know I love you.
Even if I never say it.
Even if I only write about it in vague metaphorical phrases.
I want you to know I want your love.
Even if I never ask for it.
Even if I have my arms out blocking your approach.

I wish nothing too specific.