Grandma's Day

Apparently last week it was Grandma's Day in France. Nick was over and had to call his grandmothers. It was cute. Even without understanding the exchange of words, there is tone, inflection & pause that conveys emotion within the exchange of conversation.

Today in 1993 my grandmother passed away. It was the first corporeal loss I ever had to deal with. A piece of me has been absent all this time and I've filled that empty spot with many other wonderful people that do her justice in her place. I will never know her as an adult. I can never analyze her as I would my mother or other relatives now that I can step outside of the family shelter and gaze with eyes of the world. I think the perfect picture that I keep is sometimes my only experience of unconditional love. She set a very high bar for anyone that I would choose to settle down with for any extended period of time. But until I find that level of safety in someone, I will continue to fill my emptiness with memories of the dear ones that I have in my life now.

I had a nice talk with Randy on the phone yesterday afternoon between jobs. I still don't feel "normal" between us and I don't know a way to put that in words at this time. ((Use psychic energy to draw upon my thoughts now)) [[Oh, you can't? C'mon, don't wait a millennium for evolution to grab you....sheesh]] Nathan will be here later tonight. A play with friends tomorrow evening. A day of rest on Sunday.

I breathe in a vacuum in the hope that I might not need this air anymore.