When I Fall In love

What happened to the people who believed that they would fall in love? Who have I surrounded myself with? Peers? Those who have lost faith? Did they ever have it?

The questions are so vast and at the heart of falling in love is trying to understand what it is. The simplicity of what it means to me is a galaxy of explanation to someone who doesn't speak my language or have "my" understanding.

It's when I am so close to despair that I have often felt that I have a greater understanding of humanity. I have written things that I look back on--often as a teenager when despair seemed constant--and wonder how I could have seen "that." Getting caught up in being a grown up has often meant that I've left some dreams in the past. I can see glimpses of the same thing in the grown ups around me.

I remember a man I didn't really know. His name was Doug and he was tall. He made me laugh. I thought he was a big queen and very different from me. He drank alcohol at a time when I did not after rap sessions on Sundays. We would all go to "Me & Ed's" pizza and sit on wooden picnic table style benches. He took his life a long time ago.

All this thinking of love...I remember the Nat King Cole song that Rick Astley remade in the 80's and I used to listen to (and sing) quite frequently through high school. The lyrics--then--were a dreamy idea that I yearned for. The lyrics--now--are a reality that I can see from having been in love.

"When I fall in love
It will be forever.
Or I'll never
Fall in love...

In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem too cool in the warmth of the sun...