Weeping Whale Tales

I'm at the stop light and a shiny black Hummer pulls up in the lane to my right. We are both at the crosswalk line. Across the intersection the lane to my right merges into mine. I know this. The driver of the Hummer knows this. The sun burning unusually bright today knows this. I'm too caught up in my talk radio show to care about a race car star when the light goes green. As the Hummer jets forward, I notice that it has a California vanity plate. It's the one with the whale tail...for the environment. Whale Tail. Hummer. Environment. Perhaps this is when the seed for my headache began.

Now back at the office. 1:44pm.

This Random Memory

There was that guy in San Clemente who made me a Bjork CD. I'm not sure if I have it anymore. It was a cool CD considering I didn't like her at the time and was getting acquainted with her music. We were in his parent's house. He was older or my age or right around there. His room was goth/punk/I'm just a guy with creative energy going nowhere. Hmm.....what was his name? It was only the one time, I'm sure. I was in my green Integra at the time. We met in a public parking lot outside of a Starbucks. (hahahaha... you know... that ONE Starbucks) Anyway, from the whole experience, I really wish I knew where that CD was. Oh, and I think he did some coke after we were done and I was laying in bed and he was burning the CD. Major turn off at the time and probably why there was no seconds.

The Y of Age

I was reading bulletins on MySpace and came across one of those long surveys that people answer about themselves. This one caught my eye from my Las Vegas friend, Eddie:

=====================================
15. When did you first start feeling old?

Okay, it was Thursday. SO, this kid at the bar is hitting on me.. he's obviously BARELY 21 if not younger. So, I try ignoring him, and he's just not going away. So, Finally, I'm like. "I've not done anything that would make you think I'm even remotely interested in you, What do you see with me that you just can't get a clue?" his reply "I think older guys are sexy"

This ZYGOTE at a bar thinks I'm the older guy. *cries*
=====================================

Sling Shot Shocks

When the axis of the world tilts ever so slightly, changes take place that some scientists theorized about and other changes are as surprising as a flower growing up out of the oil and dirt of a junkyard pile. Just as the colorful petals contrast a rusty and ragged surrounding, some changes are beautiful, eye-catching events that could go swiftly by without ever being seen. The axis of my world has shifted....

I travelled out to Redlands on Saturday because I had some instinct to do so. Yes, there was the thought that Charles always drives out to The OC and into WeHo, but something more told me I should go to visit. It was movie and food and some exchange of verbal mumbling that was neither deathly important but could not be lived without either. A few days after the visit an offer for employment in NYC that was not given to him was reversed. He waits now for the final answer to see if he will have a new home watching the sun rise in the East.

As I walked out of the office front door into the hallway yesterday, I stared up at the ceiling as I was walking and saw the florescent light bulbs streaming past me. I wobbled side to side a bit not being used to walking like that. I wobbled. It was an uneasy feeling. I was not sure of my footing. But I continued to walk down a hallway that I had walked down many times because I knew that I knew how to walk. I got this tingling sensation all over me that made me think of Charles and I smiled and started to look forward again. It will all be well. Even if I miss Taupe, it will all be well.

To be Continued.....

Add Diction, Speak XcXlXeXaXrXlXyX

YOUR LOVE IS LIKE A DRUG
Bananarama


I can't believe the way that I feel
Whenever I'm with you
Don't make me wait
My body aches
I want to get next to you

You can Tease me, Feel me, make me want you on me
You can Spin me, Groove me, let your rhythm rock me (4x)


CHORUS:
Your love is like a drug
And every time you leave me wanting more
Your love is like a drug
And everywhere you touch
You never get enough (Rhythm)
(Let Your Rhythm Rock Me)


I can't escape
And I can't explain
The thoughts that I have of you.

You're on my mind
day and night
and nobody else will do.

I've been Taken, Shaken, never want to leave you
Do you Understand the reason why I need you (....rhythm rock me)

CHORUS

You can tease me, feel me, make me want you on me
You can spin me, groove me, let your rhythm rock me (x 4)

CHORUS

Saints Say....

Just random stuff I wrote today.....

+++++++++++++++++++
I remember the warmth
of kisses and cuddles
But much of it seems like
a dream now.
Those memories
are overrun with office
phones
missing tones
+++++++++++++++++++

Sailing -
"Oh the candles can do
miracles...."
-Christopher Cross

+++++++++++++++++++

I am bleeding through the gauze and bandages

+++++++++++++++++++

I AM COLD
BUT NOT NUMB
IN THE PUBLIC

+++++++++++++++++++

If I am the withered leaf,
then you are the branch that won't let go.
The roots have already forgotten me,
Why can't you?

+++++++++++++++++++

Chosty Frosty

What makes him a good father is probably what adds to his likability as a manager. My Dream Dinner's boss took off a little early tonight to be with his family.

I had two interviews for a new position at the day job this week. I ended up not getting it and I'm neither extremely upset nor glad that I wasn't selected. I'm in some middle space between, "the extra money would have been nice" and "Phew, I'm not going to be in that next tax bracket."

I'm craving ice cream. That's probably a sign of something deeply rooted that I'm not dealing with. I can see myself eating the whole half gallon. Who decided that ice cream would come in 1/2 gallon and pint sizes? (Yea, and some quart sizes)


Love this.

Grandma's Day

Apparently last week it was Grandma's Day in France. Nick was over and had to call his grandmothers. It was cute. Even without understanding the exchange of words, there is tone, inflection & pause that conveys emotion within the exchange of conversation.

Today in 1993 my grandmother passed away. It was the first corporeal loss I ever had to deal with. A piece of me has been absent all this time and I've filled that empty spot with many other wonderful people that do her justice in her place. I will never know her as an adult. I can never analyze her as I would my mother or other relatives now that I can step outside of the family shelter and gaze with eyes of the world. I think the perfect picture that I keep is sometimes my only experience of unconditional love. She set a very high bar for anyone that I would choose to settle down with for any extended period of time. But until I find that level of safety in someone, I will continue to fill my emptiness with memories of the dear ones that I have in my life now.

I had a nice talk with Randy on the phone yesterday afternoon between jobs. I still don't feel "normal" between us and I don't know a way to put that in words at this time. ((Use psychic energy to draw upon my thoughts now)) [[Oh, you can't? C'mon, don't wait a millennium for evolution to grab you....sheesh]] Nathan will be here later tonight. A play with friends tomorrow evening. A day of rest on Sunday.

I breathe in a vacuum in the hope that I might not need this air anymore.

Adventureland

A long, long time ago I climbed out a window and in doing so placed the palm of my hand on a nail that was sticking up. I might have been three or four. I've always been up for an adventure. I was telling Justin tonight that I didn't really have any "me" time today. The closest I will come is when I close my eyes in a few minutes and allow my unconscious mind to assert itself over my physiology.

I think I'm looking for my next adventure. Or am I already engaged in it?

The Adventures of Sssssay & JayPee

Laughter. So much laughter. There is no beginning and no ending. Abs are the byproduct of making up voices and imitating people.

More to come.... more love to share.