Writer's High

It's moments like this that "I DO" live for. Dido's "White Flag" is half way into the song. I chose this song for this moment. I'm in the slipstream of my creative self and it feels so good that'm I'm welling up with tears because it feels so good to be here again. In the joy of it all there is the real understanding that fear is a begging transient who could grow if I don't stay focused---fear that this moment is transient itself. There was a time when it seemed that this balanced feeling seem to be effortless. That's a lie we tell to ourselves, I think. I'm anxious for my trip up to Oregon in June so that I can be rejoined with the box full of hand written journals that I have been separated from for two years. I know that within the words of my twenty years younger self there is wisdom that I have misfiled over time. There is confidence that I created to carry me through uncertainty in those pages. There are memories I purposefully wrote down in the hope that I would not grow into a soulless adult who was a shell of the ideals bourne in fearless youth. Having never been wreckless then, I have explored those brambles only to find that the thorns prick you regardless of when you brush them. (I don't heal as quickly as I did in my youth.)