I'm being pulled toward a smaller, slightly less messy city. These melting pots full of cultures, crime and creatures all shapes and sizes. Some are very kind. Some are seething with self-stardom and lacking any self-sacrifice. Before boarding this Blue Line, I was standing on the Red Line next to a beautiful baby girl being held in her mother's arms. She stared at me and - forced a smile back at her. She knew it was insincere and refused to smile back. They always know. I glanced again and her hand was outstretched toward me which put a real smile on my face but I couldn't look too long. I didn't want her to start crying as she surely would have seeing straight into me as children can. It was enough to accept the band aid of her healing little fingers.
I try very hard not to let things beyond my control get to me. Let's face it, it's futile in the end. Sometimes going through the motions can be a valuable lesson of the futility. Sometimes letting one's self be consumed by the futility is a way of spinning your wheels so that you can focus on something as whatever it is out of your control just runs its course. When I find myself in situations that I must be in---which are rare because most of the time I choose to remove myself---i find that it is because of my caring for someone or people or a cause. The funny thing is that over time, one lesson learned is to avoid being in these situations. Another lesson is learning the importance of accepting that these situations are necessary, if only to play a part in a greater orchestration.
I've stayed relatively quiet on the Prop 8 debate. I feel like I'm saving my energy for the fight that will ensue after election day. I do not plan on being silent then.
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