Filed Enclosures

Brain flush time:

Sitting crossed legged on the bed, eyes closed. music playing. window open. I hear Buster's movement in the other room; his collar gives him away. The blinds are open slightly and even with my eyes closed I know this because of the amount of light that I feel on my face. I open my eyes.

Dogs bark throughout the neighborhood. It's 10:30am and the BTU's of the a/c unit in the other room can be heard, but not felt. Dry hands. Good Tiesto song on random play. I'm hungry, but not enough to get up and move. The shower seems like a nice story, but it too requires an effort that I am just not wanting to put forth. A child cries out to someone near it with words that I can not make out. I think, "Is it because they are too young to enunciate or are they too far away for me to really know?"

My depression has begun creeping in more and more. Several weeks now. I had five generic Wellbutrin XL's leftover from about a year ago when we discovered the generic didn't work as well with me as the brand name. I'll be on my last one today which leaves the potential of the tricyclic at bedtime to perhaps carry me through this. Being without insurance is odd. I think it's odd because in the whole of my adult life I don't think I've been without for even one whole year. (But I am shortly going to achieve that) I noticed that my last entry was September 27th and here it is half way through October. When I don't write it is sometimes an indication that the depression is fogging up the streets I'm trying to navigate. Not always, but often. The disconnection from friends is definitely feeding the depression. I think until I have made a definite decision about moving or not moving and keeping my job or not keeping it I will continue to be in this predicament. The back and forth from LA to LB is not a trip that I want to make frequently so I end up staying in LA more because Ky and work are there. Work--the thing that is supposed to allow me the green to go and enjoy the time off with friends... haha

I finally did call Randy. We're playing phone tag. His number is one of the few that I actually have committed to memory.

There's much more in my head, but this entry is like moving a valve to let some steam off and allow me some clearing of thoughts.

I need to go running regularly again. Oh... the knees... haha