Mind's Divide

Walking down the small hillside path in the dark I think that I should be especially capable of experiencing true affection while the one I care about is speaking to a new client on the phone. Business is business and pleasure is pleasure. I think that because I compare the idea in my head on how I value life but think of the surgical way it would be easy to kill "evils" in this world. I think of how I have lived my life by compartmentalizing different emotions as I have needed to both feel or not feel them at any given time.

Then I think that as I have grown, experienced and hopefully learned from each relationship that I have also discovered more of who I am and what I want; that I have gained a better understanding of what I want and who I want those things from. (I want to believe this be it true or not. I think it is true.) This part of me also thinks that by submitting to the type of relationship, I'm allowing the old insecurities hold over me; that I am not worthy of someone who would want only me.

I know that nothing about me breaks down one way or the other. The only thing simple about me is truth that I try and live by each day: just be the change that I wish in the world. It is this simplicity that knows there is a beautiful and worthy soul in him and that my soul's sight clearly sees that. This does not erase or even ease the reality of my emotions as they come up. I don't know anything that would make them in the current situation.

So I feel as I'm supposed to... Nothing more, nothing less. It seems I am much more human than I would have liked to have thought.


Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile