Back It Up

Byron was kind enough to send a gift certificate to Best Buy with his xmas card. I decided to use it toward the purchase of an external drive to back up my laptop. I feel better now. So many memories encoded bit by bit at my fingertips each night could be blinked away.

Now... they can be blinked away in two different places. Maybe I should back them up on DVD's as well. (haha...nope, not that OCD here.)

As the machines do their talking, this Jeremy Machine is sitting down and looking to the sky to be restored. I don't think I had a backup. All of my memories are still chemically coded in my brain, but the programs and peripherals seem to be falling off. I reached a moment today with Randy that I also reached with Nathan during the Summer. It's hard to make healthy choices sometimes because in doing so that might mean cutting off an arm to save the body. Sometimes it is radiation therapy to make you sick before you can be well. With very few people in the world that I feel truly know me, it is very painful to have to distance and separate myself from the few who do. It is merely hope I have that the pain of severance will burden less than the pain of watching those who I love destroy themselves.

As one part of me gets shredded in a blender, a "smooth"ie appears. I have spent three evenings with someone new who I am not bored with and continue to want to learn more about. I'm completely aware that as stages of relationships go....I'm in an infantile and totally insignificant point to write anything substantial. I think the fact that I still decided to write at all is a reflection of the smile I have on my face right now.

There is all of this love that has been surfacing in me lately. I've been sharing it when appropriate. I've been singing it when desired. I've been handling it with care.

I'm still working on accepting it without fear.