Soon The Sentry Sings

1) Madonna's "The Power Of Goodbye"
2) Julie Andrews singing "My Favorite Things"
3) Thomas Newman's Main Title Theme for "Angels In America"

These were the songs on my playlist as I wrote my last entry and closed my eyes. I don't even remember hearing the 2nd song.... that's how tired and or perplexed at the time I was. The music plays now.

About an hour ago I woke in my own sweat from a dream. I can't remember the details anymore. Fade. Faded they have. I feel like my body is fighting and it's taking energy. Obviously it's not just my body but my mind as well. Previously, I talked about walking for an hour. When I got home I was feverish. My glands seemed swollen. I sneezed. I took an Aleeve and two extra strength Tylenol. Water and my Claim Jumper leftovers from the past two days seemed to bring back to normal. As I began watching "House of Flying Daggers," I became too tired to continue reading the subtitles. Lights off downstairs and then walk to my bed to begin the last entry.

I truly feel that I'm finally in an emotionally healed state from the aspect of my heart. I want to share again and have it shared. So begins the process of chemical reactions and dating experimentation. ARDUOUS. Often a sense of imposing urgency to make a decision, but this is not necessary and I know it. But I am not whole right now. This business of work and a car is coming to the forefront. It almost makes me want to do anything in some temporary position, but I must fight the urge to do such a thing while I can still support myself without doing that. The detriment to my soul has the proven effects of five to six months ago that need not be repeated.....so many thoughts... So why am I still awake now? What was this rousing dream?

As I was laying trying to bring back the bits of pictures I could remember an hour ago, my phone rang. I wasn't sure at first because I had changed the ringer and wasn't immediately certain of the tones. The sound, catching me off guard seemed intrusive to the process of dream hunting so I wasn't going to answer it. Still, I decided to look and see who might be calling at midnight. In the darkness, the digital blue letters on my phone showed the name "Gil." That giddy feeling came over me as my arm reached and picked up the phone to press SEND.

I think I will clean my entire room this day of Friday. It will be a starting ground to move out into the world and sit back on top of it soon. No more excuses.