Between Departure & Arrival

11:10am Mountain to 12-noon Pacific:
In flight. I don't know what to say about how I'm feeling and that's why I'm writing. I'm in the air, on my way home. I feel like Ii spent three days in a dream with familiar elements. There was even a person (Zach) from my past. In one feeling, I felt drawn to Salt Lake City by that inexplicable energy that I feel in the presence of people who are lost but have found each other to console themselves... (fading)

PEOPLE HAVE ROUTINES. EVEN WHEN BAGS OF PEANUTS OR PRETZELS HAVE A PRE-MADE SLIT TO OPEN THE BAG, SOMETIMES WE PULL THE MIDDLE FLAP AND PULL APART THE SEALED END. I LIKE THE BAGS FOR SKITTLES. THE WAY THE BAG TEARS OPEN IS NICE & SMOOTH.

(Fading back)... When someone doesn't kiss they are keeping a guard on the door to intimacy. They have engaged a form of distance either for protection or for survival; perhaps even for fear of not knowing what they feel. And when you do kiss someone the way that the kiss is engaged tells a lot about how open that person is with you. Experience in relationships of intimacy can be felt in a kiss. Kissing Martin is different than kissing Alex. Kissing Dominic was different still. People that I have kissed where there is a strong mutual feeling for one another has this flow to it that cannot be measured by any one metric---it might be felt on a dance floor kissing a total stranger or the ex boyfriend after breaking up and having that one last fling years after the relationship is over.

I am coursing in this energy stream right now. An 8month old baby girl named Abbey is smiling at me. Giggling. She keeps looking back and I smile. She touches me and brings tears to my eyes. She is that innocence that I know I've lost.