run on

Brain Leak Writing....

listening to DIDO "HERE WITH ME" and typing away at work. I'm not even looking at the screen to see what I'm typing. I migh thave a millioni typos by the time I'm finished with this...f.ree flowing thoughts...no editing...and yet still nothing can capture all of these thoughts........so many. I need to bottle them or something? or isn't that the problem...bottling up feelings and thoughts until they become too much, soooo much.? The music changes and I'm still typing. I hear the sounds of people in other cubes around me and I'm can hear my fingers typing....tatpping...smashing so much faster than anyone else could type similarly around me. I'm infatuated...but that's not a good place to be wholly, is it? infatuation is lacking anything long term. I'm afraid that I may risk a friendhip at the cost of something tempoarary...I mean, what realationship of mine has really lasted? What are the odds that getting to know this new person will be any different? I won't kno w until I try, and that's just the truth of it...end that thought.. I have pictures of Andrew a t my desk next to the poem that I wrote about him as he slept. I wonder how he's doing these days...how Tracy is....what life is like for them now that I don't live with them...how life would've been if I would've continued to lived with them. Would I be the father figure that Warren plays for him now or would i always have been something on the outside not quite there? I was close to writing some last night. I went home after the ASF benefit at Mark's Restaurant and started typing. My eyes quickly grew heavy and I stopped with light on and all....maybe a new way to wake up in the morning...keep my light on all night. I don't stay asleep. Some major lifted stress by having my car sold last night. Beautiful beautiful beautiful knowing that there is money in the bank and that i fneeded I could access it. How long can I keep that up? how long how long...how long can I typ e like this before I drive myself crazy....and I notice that I have so many questions...sosos ossoso many questions but I don't say much..don't really answer them....(((long pause))) Plastic Dreams by JAYDEE.

j.r.me